I’m sitting on the edge of my 13-year-old daughter’s bed just before bedtime. This is a special time and I value these moments when I am alone with my little girl—present, available, and fully focused on her. But this night, unlike others, she announces half-jokingly, “You and your program have ruined my life.” She is the younger of my two daughters and she was one-and-a-half years old when I found FA. At that time, I was working full time, my baby and her five-year-old sister were in day care, and my job was about to be cancelled. I was overwhelmed, overworked, and overweight. I had achieved most of my life goals. I had a loving partner, we had our two gorgeous daughters, and five years earlier we had successfully relocated to Australia from California in order to support my father who had vascular disease. And yet I felt alone, furious... Continue Reading
“You’re right, Dad, I’m an addict. But what am I supposed to do about it?” At 14 and a top weight of 225 pounds, I finally conceded that my father may have a point when he said I was, “Like a crack addict with food.” However, I was convinced that there was nothing out there that would work for me. My father, who had heard about FA through a friend several months earlier, was patiently waiting for the day that I would surrender and ask for help. G-d bless him and his patience, he knew that my rebelliously-addictive teenage self would not accept help unless I was in dire pain. The following week, my mom took me to my first meeting and helped me choose my first sponsor. I did not jump in with open arms. My poor sponsor had six months of abstinence and I was her first sponsee.... Continue Reading
The day of high school homecoming last year was also the day of the choir car wash, the cross-country race, and the dance. I woke up early, ate a very small breakfast, and put on my uniform. The entire time I was at the car wash, all I could think about was my appearance: How do my legs look? Am I flexing enough? I hope I don’t look bloated. I even insisted on wearing my spandex to show off my muscles instead of wearing my sweatpants in the 50-degree weather. In addition to being a food addict and an over scheduling addict, I was also a compulsive runner. I left the car wash early to warm up for the race. On the way, I ate three flour/sugar products when I was only supposed to eat one. I reasoned that I could not eat lunch or I would throw up when... Continue Reading
As far back as I can remember, I have always gotten a “high” from eating sugar or flour products and quantities of food. I felt a lot of shame around food. I stole and hid food and often lied about how much I had eaten. I matured physically at an early age and was bigger than my peers. I always had a feeling of being different and never felt comfortable in my own skin. When I entered high school, my peers caught up to me in physical maturity, but I was still bigger. I realized I was fat and could not control the way I ate. I tried to diet but could not do it. The little hope I had vanished. When I was 18, I was my heaviest weight and more depressed than ever. I was willing to do anything to be in a thin body and be happy.... Continue Reading
I believe that I have been a food addict since I came out of the womb. As early as nine or ten, I began having the feeling that food was a drug. When I started something, I couldn’t help but finish it. I started feeling ashamed of my body because I was so fat. At 12, I weighted 174 pounds, with a huge double chin, round belly, and a square back. Making friends was hard because I was so insecure and got teased a lot in school. I wanted what everyone else had all the time. I was on a constant search to be something other than myself. I failed at the diets I tried as a kid because I was always trying to find a way I could keep eating and not feel deprived. I would work my way around the kitchen on a futile hunt for the one... Continue Reading
