When I was a senior in high school, I heard about a Twelve-Step program for people who felt they needed help with food issues. I was tired of not succeeding with diets. I was tired of dreaming of the day I would be all grown up, have a family, and finally have the time to deal with my weight. I had been affected by food from a young age. When I was small, I remember sneaking it even though it was free for the taking in my house. If someone entered the room while I was eating, I tried to hide it. I often lied about having already eaten at my grandmother’s house when my mother offered me dinner at home. I wanted more. I matured early and was bigger than most of my friends. I felt really awkward in my body. I always felt too big. Although my friends... Continue Reading
I weighed 280 pounds when I came into program at age 22. I have lost 145 pounds and have maintained my weight loss for over six years. As far back as I can remember, food and weight were problems for me. I was embarrassed about my weight as a child and was teased by other kids because of it. I always felt as though I didn’t fit in. Not only was I chubby, I was very insecure and fearful. I tried to buy friends and ended up being mean and bossy with them because they never met my expectations. I thought losing the weight and being able to fit into designer jeans would solve these problems. When I finally did lose some weight and bought those jeans, I quickly learned that it wasn’t the answer. My home life was also very chaotic, and food was my main source of comfort... Continue Reading
Today is day 90 of abstinence—again. I have been in and around FA since I was 19 years old. I suspect I was 236 pounds when I started in what felt like the hottest summer of my life. I was wearing long, torn-up jeans, the last of my size 20s, with holes that were patched with fabric because my thighs were rubbing together so much. I was unwilling to get a size 22 from the fat women’s store. I took a liking to an old, dark, purple men’s sweater with a hole in the neckline that covered me and felt comfortable. I hated myself so much that I didn’t care if I had showered and brushed my teeth or not. I had thoughts of suicide almost daily. I did not have a life because of the layers of addiction that fueled my existence. I was looking for everything outside of... Continue Reading
As a child, I was chubby and suffered from extreme fear, doubt, and insecurity. I have a history of sexual abuse by my father, but that isn’t why I ate the way I did. What I have learned is that no one is to blame for my food addiction. I have a disease that is physical, mental, and spiritual; and it led me down a path of self destruction. Adolescence was hard for me. I lived in books and films and spent a lot of time eating at the movies and in front of the television set. I just wanted to drift away and feel good all the time. I “became” characters from the books I read and the movies I saw; my biggest obsession was Marilyn Monroe. I always felt fat and “less than”, except when I was caught up in a role. I became bulimic at age 13.... Continue Reading
I came into the program when I was 14 years old. Before that, I knew I had a different relationships with food than other people but never really knew I was a “food addict.” I just knew that my two thin sisters could eat whatever and whenever they wanted; but that when I ate like that, it showed. My body reacted differently. For me, one was never enough – I was always asking for seconds and thirds. I had lost my “hunger meter,” and I ate as long as there was something available. I ate when I wasn’t even hungry; but felt bored, tired, happy, sad, excited, or just happened to be sitting in the kitchen. Food was my comfort zone, and I used it to numb my feelings. I used to be very hard on myself about schoolwork and was in a constant struggle to excel. While studying, I... Continue Reading
