A Story of Recovery:

Chipping Off the Old Block

I was sitting at home having an internal argument with myself about whether to attend the Diabetes Expo in my city, yet again. I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes a few years earlier and had attended the expo a few times in the past.  I never really felt that I got much out of it, other than a few freebies and samples.

For some reason (I now say it was God whispering in my ear), I decided to go. As usual, I didn’t feel I got a whole lot out of it until I happened upon a table with some banners behind that said, “Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous.”  It immediately piqued my curiosity, because my sisters and I had just been having a conversation about being addicted to sugar. We were having this discussion while we consumed large quantities of flour and sugar items.

I saw that there were people behind the table, but I avoided all eye contact with any of them. I discreetly walked by the table and picked up one of the tri-folds they had out on display. I kept walking and didn’t engage in any conversation. I took the tri-fold home and read the 20 questions inside. After answering yes to 17 of the 20, I knew for certain what I had suspected for a long time, but didn’t have a name for. I am a food addict.

I found times and locations for the four meetings in our area and thought about it for a while. A holiday was coming up and I certainly didn’t want to start any kind of a diet before this holiday, which is filled with wonderful sugar items and foods that I love. My next obstacle was that we had a cross-country trip planned. I tried to tell myself I should wait until that trip was over, but I knew I would probably find some other excuse not to go.

I always say that if I knew what I was walking into when I attended my first meeting, I probably would never have gone. When I heard that they didn’t eat flour and sugar, I thought they were insane. I literally lived on flour and sugar!

I had not had exposure to any kind of Twelve-Step program in the past and didn’t know anyone who was in one. I felt very uncomfortable in that meeting. The word “cult” entered my mind many times, but I stayed and listened to people share their stories of experience, strength, and hope. The clincher was when I saw the “before” pictures they passed around.

I thought I would return to a few meetings before I made the leap into Program, but a woman came up to me, told me she was available to help me, and asked if I wanted to get started. I didn’t want to be “rude” (there is that people-pleasing thing) so I agreed to let her start me. She told me what to do, and I went out and bought everything I needed. I also bought a lot of sugar and flour items so I could have, what someone lovingly told me, my “food funeral.”  After all, who knew when I would be able to eat those items again?

When I started FA, I was 60 years old at 5’3″ tall, and weighed 324 pounds. At one time in my life, I was close to 400 pounds. I was as hopeless and helpless as anyone could be. I tried every diet plan and gimmick and would sometimes have some success, but it was always short lived. Before FA, I was constantly angry and depressed. I didn’t have a chip on my shoulder; I had a block of wood! I was always mad at someone or something. I just couldn’t control the anger that would overwhelm me, but I always felt guilty because I didn’t feel I had any reason for it. I had a husband who stood by my side no matter how large I got, and two wonderful daughters who didn’t deserve a mom who couldn’t do the things with them that they deserved from a mother. I was constantly depressed over my lot in life.  I had always had a strong belief system and would pray to God to remove this burden from me, but I never played an active role in my own recovery; I expected it to be done for me.

Now I am 62 years old. At my last weigh-in, I had lost 130 pounds! Who would ever have imagined that this would be possible? I still have weight to lose, but with God’s help, and the support I get from this program, I know it will happen.

Since joining FA, I feel like I’m such a changed person. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore, and I feel so much more in control of my emotions. I think I’m a more pleasant person to be around, and I don’t have that wall around myself anymore that tells people to steer clear of me. God is now my partner and is by my side 24 hours a day. Anger is now a fleeting emotion and doesn’t consume me like it used to. I feel such freedom.

As for the cross-country trip I had planned for two weeks after I started, I managed that trip and stayed abstinent through it. With God, all things are possible. Believe me, if this food addict can do it, anyone can.

This year I attended the Diabetes Expo, but not as a diabetic, because that has been removed from me. This time I was one of those FA people behind that table!