A Story of Recovery:

Choosing Recovery

I am a food addict. Although this is at the core of who I am, as the years in recovery have passed, my Higher Power has created additional roles for me that bring great joy and can only be sustained with the strength that comes from being abstinent and connected. One of my favorite new roles is that of “student,” and I am so grateful for the endless flow of miracles that made this possible. For example, the school that I am currently enrolled in wasn’t even on my radar until one of my dear FA friends mentioned it as we were talking on a phone call one day. After her review of the school, I examined the idea with my sponsor, submitted reference letters written for me by FA fellows, and applied. I am now almost finished with my degree.

In order for me to graduate, I must complete a ten-month practicum where I get to “practice” being a therapist. I have been excited and nervous about practicum for some time now, but FA has taught me the value of channeling my anxiety into constructive actions, such as asking more experienced students for site recommendations when it became time for me to apply. Although asking for help felt risky because it opened me up to rejection, FA taught me that it would also open me up to opportunity.

Practicum sites are very competitive, so I knew that I would need help showing up in a way that would maximize my chances for selection. FA even helped me with this. After meetings, I would ask my fellows for feedback on how to dress becomingly for my interviews. When FA fellows learned that I was working on developing a professional wardrobe, several friends went through their closets and gave me clothing that they no longer needed. Before FA, I had too much pride to let people help me, but program taught me the joy and practical advantages that come with giving and receiving love.

With the support of my fellows and the grace of my Higher Power, I received two offers for very desirable practicum sites. Overjoyed and overwhelmed with pros and cons, I went to my sponsor, who patiently looked at every aspect of the situation with me, but I still didn’t know which one to choose. Before FA, I made quick decisions because I couldn’t stand being uncomfortable, but with my sponsor’s support, I decided to slow down and really dig into my extra quiet time, phone calls, writing, extra meetings, and service. Gradually, my anxiety subsided, and my answer appeared.

My final decision was to select the practicum site that best supported my recovery. Although working at one site would have provided me with a wide variety of challenging experiences, contacts for future positions, and prestige, I felt that it might be too intense for me, and I was concerned that it might interfere with my meeting schedule and my sleep hygiene among other things. Instead, I went with a smaller organization, which was humbler in its structure and still had an excellent reputation. The smaller organization, although less glamourous, would allow me to maintain my meeting schedule, wouldn’t schedule me overnight, and had a supportive, family atmosphere that would suit my delicate nervous system. It felt good to make a choice based on humility and reality versus pride and ego.

Throughout my decision-making process, I repeatedly thanked my Higher Power for the process of working my tools, doing what was in front of me, and expecting that the right answer to appear. I am so grateful that I didn’t have to eat addictively, even though I felt uncomfortable. Today, abstinence and being in community with FA provides me with direction, meaning, and purpose for my life.