A Story of Recovery:
Dating and Marriage
I had already lost my weight. My top weight was 320 pounds. I was down to 150 pounds. I’d had my weight off for about five years by the time I started dating Mark. I had known of him because we went to the same church for several years, but never really knew him. Mark had been divorced for maybe three years and I was separated from my husband for about three years. I had no plans for ever dating or marrying. I had had enough of that. I had a full life, committed to my God and my church. I had my own home and business and a full circle of friends and a big family that I was also committed to.
I had a secret. Though I looked great on the outside, I knew my body was ravaged by the disease of food addiction. What I’m talking about is loose skin. In clothes, I looked good, but naked, that was another story. So another man was out of the question.
Mark emailed me, wondering where I had been. I was so surprised, wondering what he wanted and why he contacted me. We conversed over the computer for quite a while. In the meantime, I started to entertain the idea of dating. I wanted to really think this through. I did not want to present myself as something or someone I was not. I had a mind to tell it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly, if by chance he asked me out.
He did indeed invite me out to dinner. Before dinner, we had a long visit, during which I told him my story. I told him I had a problem with food. I told him my top weight. I told him about my program, and how involved I am. I told about the three meals a day, no snacks, and no alcohol, and that I need to really take care of myself around food and social situations. We talked about the addiction part of the food problem. He was very understanding. I was sure to tell him that if this was too much information for him to deal with, we can just go to dinner and call it a day. I would understand if he wasn’t interested in me.
What I think is that people really don’t take this disease seriously, especially when someone is in a normal size body. They can’t really understand because we look so normal. Mark found it endearing that I was so open and honest about myself. He felt challenged to help me with my abstinence. So I had to explain to him that my program is my responsibility, even though I was glad to tell him the way I needed to have my food prepared. He loved to cook and he really loved to cook for me.
After this relationship became serious, I started to become concerned about showing him my damaged body. And once again offering him a way of escape, I showed Mark my saggy arms and my belly apron. By this time he was in love with me, so the condition of my body did not affect the way he looked at me. He still loved me! We had not been in a sexual relationship. That was a commitment I held, as a Christian, I did not want to have sex outside of marriage. In addition, I did not want to go any further without revealing the truth to Mark.
Mark and I were learning how to work my program out inside of a romantic relationship. We would have abstinent meals together a couple of times a week. It was very doable. He even enjoyed eating a healthier diet himself.
Long story short, within that year we became engaged and we were married by our pastor on New Year’s Eve morning, four and a half years ago.
My husband has been very proud of my accomplishments, as far as losing and keeping my weight off. I can say it is not always easy, but once again, as I continue to work my program, one day at a time, it is doable!
I had never been able to manage my weight within the confines of my previous marriage, or any other romantic relationship. I would lose weight, meet someone and immediately proceed to gain back the weight I had lost. This was my story. I could never keep my weight off. Today I have 10 years in FA, several years of married life, and all of this while maintaining my initial weight loss of 170 pounds. That is a true miracle! God has done for me what I could NEVER do for myself.