A Story of Recovery:

Dating Dilemma

In my journey through dating abstinently, I have many opportunities to ensure that I stay abstinent, no matter what. I am venturing through one such experience right now.

I just had a “first date” with someone. We met at a coffee shop and talked there, then took a walk and talked some more. After that, we sat on a bleacher bench and talked some more. It was quite wonderful to have a pleasant conversation, considering the fact that, in the past, I’ve been socially inept, and more comfortable stuffing my face than interacting with others. He asked me if I wanted to go to a movie that night.

I used to be 155 pounds. I have been abstinent for four years and am now 115, and so happy about it. I am a food addict with a very delicate nervous system. My dating history is riddled with moving too fast and eating so much on dates that I didn’t ever get to know the person. Half of my dates before Program were spent obsessing about the food I was eating or had eaten that day. The other half of my dates were spent obsessing about if the guy liked me or not. “Does he like me, does he like me? Would he like me more if I were thinner or angled my body this way, that way?”

It was all a show. I never let anyone see the real me. I didn’t even know the real me. I didn’t learn about the real him either. I was too busy listening to my disease. The addict in me was in control, and I never did what was right for me. I did what my dates wanted. I didn’t even think about or know what I wanted.

However, just merely 15 minutes ago, on a “first date,” I was given, by God, a defining moment. I could choose a path that would ensure an abstinent, happy, and healthy rest of the day for me, not for my date (he’s a grown man and can take care of himself), or a path that would please him (a stranger I had just met). I knew I had to take care of myself. I used the tool of asking God for help.

I wanted to go to the movies, but I wanted to go home and have my weighed and measured meal for dinner. He then asked me out for dinner. Three dates in one. My self-esteem shot to the roof. He must really like me!

But I don’t base my wellness and recovery on whether the guy (a guy I just met an hour before) likes me. I am true to myself and lean on my program, no matter what. I politely told him I would prefer to go home for dinner.

To top the whole first date off (it kept getting better), I suggested calmly that we meet at the movie theatre (take separate cars) instead of meeting somewhere and having to decide which car to go in. I had just met this guy! I decided that I should take care of my safety and myself.

I silently congratulated myself for putting my food first and me—recovery—first. I had full use of my intelligence in the crucial decisive moments before, during, and after this first date. I trust that with writing this article, eating an abstinent dinner, and asking God for more help, I’ll be able to have fun at the movie and ignore the tempting scents and scenes at the movie theatre. Thank God I have Program to help me have the victory no matter what dating dilemmas come my way. In reality, my dilemmas turn into opportunities to experience what God’s grace can do.