A Story of Recovery:

Don’t Leave No Matter What

I didn’t come into willingly. I was very angry and full of remorse and resentments. I weighed 347 pounds. However, that was not my top weight. I had been 360 pounds prior to my Vertical Banded Gastroplasty better known as a VBG. I lost 80 pounds in 3 months and it was back before I knew it was ever off my body. The surgeon recommended a support group for all patients who had the weight loss surgery.

My life was a mess. I was over indulging in flour and sugar products after exercising vigorously on the elliptical machine.  I would be in excruciating pain. Nonetheless, I would go over to the Walgreens and buy six of the sugar products they had on sale. The more exercise I did, the more I ate. I felt like the exercise gave me permission to eat whatever I wanted.

One day I met this wonderful woman at the YMCA in my water aerobics class.  She was different from all the other people in the class. Her eyes sparkled and her face had a glow. She seemed to have an accelerated level of energy. A group of us were talking about diets and weight loss programs.  She came over and joined the conversation. When she mentioned that she didn’t eat flour and sugar, the antennae on my head went up. I was beginning to think this lady was off her rocker.  At the time, all of my meals were full of flour and sugar.

I asked some questions.  She never really answered but instead looked at me with a smile and invited me to come to a meeting with her.  I asked what kind of meeting she was talking about. She said not to worry, that she would pick me up and people there would understand my problem. I said to myself, this better not be another 12-step recovery program because if it is, I’m not going. I had failed so many other 12-step programs in the past and had become apathetic about them.

The meeting was in a hospital far from where I lived.  I said to myself, if I don’t hear hope and see recovery in this room I won’t be back.

We arrived at the hospital and the room was very small. My friend suggested that I sit in the front row. I said, absolutely not. But I did agree to sit in the middle. All of the women were very thin and older than me. I was the largest person in the room.  I said to myself, I am in the wrong place. I don’t think I am coming back. These people can’t possibly understand my problem.

Then they began to share their stories and I found out very quickly that I was in the right place after all. They were talking about not eating addictively. They mentioned that their cravings had been lifted. I had been longing to find out how to stop the cravings. Finally, I heard a solution. I discovered that they might be able to help me if I let them. I did come back to many meetings after the first one.

I have since lost 104 pounds.  I am still not at goal weight because of my many breaks in the program. I have been in the program for five years and I have not been abstinent the whole time. I know that this program is a gift from God. I suffered a lot of humiliation because of my unwillingness to weigh and measure all three meals. I gained weight in the rooms of FA when I decided I wanted to do the program my way. This included lying to my sponsor about what I was eating and what I weighed every month.

I stayed in the rooms of FA because of my fear of going back to my top weight of 360 pounds or even higher. I knew that, if I left, I would get worse and my disease would escalate. The unmanageability would return. Being out of control and very unhappy with life on life terms would be unbearable.

The benefits of this program are greater than any flour or sugar product that I could eat. I have a life that is filled with joy and happiness. I am content in my own skin. I can love myself just the way I am. Thanks to FA and all its glory I am hopeful and willing to stay. Hope has been restored to my life once again. So I stay and continue to work this program one day at a time.