A Story of Recovery:

Dreaming about Food

I am almost two years into program, with over seven months of abstinence.  I have lost my weight and am feeling good. Fundamentally, all is well. But then, some stress over work comes up, and I find myself eating mouthfuls of flour and sugar, and then deciding I just won’t tell my sponsor! Thankfully, I am having a “food dream.” Or, rather, a nightmare! I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing.

The images of picking up and eating the very things I know can destroy me and send me spiraling back down into my addictive thinking and eating patterns was definitely nothing short of a nightmare – a floury, sugary, food nightmare.

I know now that when I am experiencing anxiety in my day-to-day life, negative thoughts and fears start to creep in. These things are powerful and manifest themselves in my subconscious thoughts.

I guess these sorts of dreams are valuable because when I wake up scared, I have to mindfully check my program to be sure I am diligently working all my tools. Am I being honest about what is really going on in my life? Am I talking with my sponsor and my fellows about these things?  Am I talking about things I may not want to talk about?  Am I keeping my food simple and not over-complicating things?

I am glad today that the thoughts and dreams (and nightmares!) of food scare me, because I know that if I am ever to take that bite or that one lick of a spoon or my finger, I’m a goner. It’s that simple.

The gift of abstinence is nothing short of a dream come true for this food addict.  For twenty years, I have struggled with food, bulimia, over-exercising, and obsession with trying to control my weight. Today, I am living the miracle: I don’t have to do any of those things. I ask God for help, work the tools of this Program (all of them, not some of them — I know today I cannot pick and choose my own program), and I weigh and measure my abstinent meals one day at a time. My life is increasingly filled with happiness, sanity, and usefulness to others.  Thank you, God, for the “sweet” dream of abstinence!