A Story of Recovery:

Even in Grief, Don’t Eat, No Matter What

My mother died a few days before her ninety-second birthday, when I was less than six months in FA. Even though my mom had pneumonia for many days and had been immobilized by a fractured pelvis for months, the grief that I felt when I got the phone call was overwhelming and profound.

I did my first things first and called my children, and then proceeded to get my plane reservations and start to pack. It was about 11 p.m. While I was on the phone talking to the airline, a feeling of intense hunger crept up my body and started to take hold. I had the urge to go to the cupboards and tear open boxes of food and stuff my mouth with whatever I could find. Then I remembered, “Don’t eat, don’t eat, whatever you do, don’t eat.”  I said it over and over again.  For added insurance I said, “You had your weighed and measured dinner and that is enough.”

The clean feeling of getting through this difficult time was incredible.  I remember going through the loss of my dad years before, when I was in disease, and how unpleasant it was for everyone.

Since then I have lost two dear friends to cancer. They were both in the prime of their lives and it was tragic. Again, I used Program and did not eat.

Last year, when my very oldest friend died suddenly, I was able to participate in her funeral service and comfort her children with stories of our young adulthood together. I know if I had been in the food, I would not have had the presence of mind to remember and put together a meaningful presentation.

I also had my weighed and measured dinner in a cooler in the car—just in case. That was a wonderful idea! The after-funeral meal, scheduled for 4 p.m., was still going strong at 5 p.m.  I took my weighed and measured meal out, put it in the microwave, and joined the mourners in eating and celebrating our friend’s life.

I have grieved for my friends and my mother and kept their memories alive with meaningful work and deeds. Through Program, I have learned how to “wear the world like a loose garment” and not eat, one day at a time.