A Story of Recovery:
Exercising the Soul
The Just for Today card suggested that I exercise my soul, stop procrastinating, keep my mouth shut when my feelings were hurt, do nice things for people, and do things I didn’t want to do.
My body
Shortly before I walked into my first meeting, I was experiencing knee problems so severe that I could not take one pain-free step. Having 221 pounds on a 5’2” frame contributed dramatically to that pain. Doctors didn’t come right out and say it, but I didn’t have to be told. I had arthritis, I was getting older (56 at the time), and I was overweight. I knew I would have to find a way to manage the pain.
But God found another way for me. He gave me a visual of a woman my age jogging toward me, and a woman my age in a motorized wheelchair crossing her path. The choice was mine.
Despite my fears, I went to an FA meeting. This amazing program has helped me lose over 100 pounds and maintain my goal weight for over five years. With the weight off, and after knee replacement surgery, I walk pain free, and I feel more energetic, more womanly, more motherly, more friendly, more open-minded, and more willing to think of others.
My soul
Before FA, I would have had a negative reaction to reading the Just for Today card’s suggestions. I was supposed to exercise my soul? Do something nice for someone? I was constantly doing something nice for someone—cooking, cleaning, going to work. At that point in my life, I had resigned myself to being a fat old lady, and I spent a good deal of time shopping and cooking “for the family.” (It never fails to amaze me how much of that family food stays on the shelves now that I’m not eating it.)
Today my life has broadened, and I have many opportunities to exercise my soul. Service in the program has given me the confidence to know that what I do can be of help to others. Before, my self-esteem was so low that I didn’t think I had much to help. The card suggests avoiding procrastination. If I call the insurance company, fill out the tax form, change the oil on my car, make my husband what he wants for dinner, make amends for a sharp word yesterday, my soul is exercised and my life is better.
I had a harder time with the Just for Today card suggestion that I not show when my feelings are hurt. In the past, I didn’t have the confidence to express my feelings at all. I know clearly that resentment is a poison I don’t want in my being any more than I want sugar in my body. But I had worked hard to be able to express my feelings.
But after reflection and prayer, it has become a part of my life to know that there are times when it is not necessary to have people know they hurt my feelings. Often now I can deal with the pain through discussions with my sponsor and fellows, and through prayer and meditation. Sometimes it is preferable and more honest to make my feelings known. More often though, the feelings are gone after I process them.
Today I am in a normal-size, healthy body, and I am unable to think of anyone I resent or who has hurt my feelings! I am willing to do something nice for someone else and to do two things I’d rather not do. Today I’m willing to pray and ask for help before I find it necessary to tell anyone that my feelings are hurt. Life is so much better today.