A Story of Recovery:

Falling for FA

I remember the day like it was yesterday instead of almost 15 years ago, when one of my greatest fears about being a morbidly obese middle-aged woman came to pass. I had been living in constant fear of falling and not being able to get up, with nobody around to help me.

It happened at the office restroom. I stood up and was unable to walk or even move. The pain in my knee was unbearable. I was stuck in the stall. All the years of being obese had worn away the cartilage in my knees. I used a cane to walk, but I left my cane back in my office on the other side of the floor. It was mid-morning, and co-workers were in meetings. I waited for someone to come into the restroom. I finally had to shout for help. It was so embarrassing. Everyone was rushing around and trying to help. Luckily, there was a wheelchair in the building. I was able to get into the chair and make it back to my office. Someone brought my lunch to my office, and after a few hours, I was able to walk and finish my day.

I lived Maryland at the time, was 52 years old, and weighed 321 pounds. In addition to the arthritis in both knees, I was plagued by high blood pressure, acid reflux, and severe obstructive sleep apnea. At the encouragement of a therapist, I was looking for a Twelve-Step program with a strict food plan. While searching the local paper for another program I knew about, I saw a blurb for a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting the next Saturday morning.

The meeting was in the downtown area, which I didn’t know very well. It took a while to find parking. I finally found a parking lot near where I thought the meeting was located. When I got out of the car, fear and pain overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t move. I got back in my car and drove away. One week later, I tried again. I know now that was my higher power guiding me.

This time I arrived a little early so I could see where folks were parking. I followed several people into a governmental building. It took what seemed a lifetime to climb the stairs into the building, but I did it. I went to my first FA meeting. I was the biggest person in the room, but I stayed.

Someone sat at the front of the room and told her story, and boy, could I relate. She had already lost 70 pounds. Then person after person got up to share: 80, 100, 110 pounds lost! Not only had so many people lost significant amounts of weight, but they had kept the weight off. That’s what I really remember.

An “angel” sat next to me and offered to be get me started in the program. I remember leaving the meeting and going directly to the grocery store to buy the food I needed. Even though, I wasn’t “officially” starting until the next morning when I was to call her, I had a weighed-and-measured abstinent lunch and dinner. That was the first time I had not binged my eyes out before starting a diet.

A couple of days later, someone stood up at a meeting and said she had time available to sponsor. I remember being scared to walk up to her. She was young enough to be my daughter. She was my sponsor for over eleven years. I had a couple of breaks and it took six months to get my ninety days. About one month after I started FA, there was a public information meeting. A person from Boston came to participate. and I was asked to drive her to Washington, DC after the meeting. At that time, she had over 25 years of abstinence. It was quite a drive. Little did I know that eleven years later, she would become my sponsor.

I started my first AWOL about three months after starting program. AWOL taught me how to live and expanded my spiritual life far beyond my expectations.

Now I am 66 years old, retired, and living with my sister in Texas. My life is blessed in so many ways. My program is the most important thing in my life. Without recovery, I would have nothing. I’m not sure I would still be alive if I had not found FA. At the very least, I would be confined to a wheelchair or scooter, unable to care for myself. Instead, I am maintaining about a 190-pound weight loss. After I had lost the weight, I had successful knee-replacement surgery. I have so many friends who understand the pain of food addiction. Not just the physical pain, but the mental and spiritual pain as well.