A Story of Recovery:

Feeling the Pinch


After 14 years of binging and purging almost every day, and despite the overwhelming shame and guilt I felt about these things, I finally confided in a friend that I had a problem with food. I remember feeling instant relief after telling her. She told me about FA.

I went to my very first FA meeting a day after confiding in my friend. There was a beautiful woman speaking at the front of a room filled with about forty people. I don’t remember much about what she said except that she did not eat flour or sugar. It took a little while for that to sink into my brain, as I could not imagine such a thing being possible.

At the break, I asked the woman sitting next to me if she ever ate flour or sugar. She gently and lovingly replied, “I do not eat it—one day at a time.” Completely annoyed, but filled with curiosity, I said, “Yeah I get it, but like, will you ever eat it again?” Again she just smiled and said, “Well, like I said, I don’t eat it—one day at a time.” I remember thinking I wanted to strangle her. I was so frustrated. Who are these people?

However, as much as I was frustrated, I was equally intrigued. Captivated by the positive energy in this room, I felt as if I had stepped into another dimension, another world. I attended a couple of more meetings and was set up with my first sponsor. She gave me a food plan and I proceeded to call her for two days. On the second day, she suggested that I choose a different fruit from the one I had written down the night before. I did not understand why, especially since I had just purchased several of them. I decided to never call her again and to find a place that would help me love myself and accept all foods.

I managed to leave sugar and flour out of my diet for a few days and then paid enormously for a program that said they would teach me how to love myself and accept all foods. I ended up binging and purging again almost daily for the next year.

So there I was, one year later, sitting on the floor in the back of another FA meeting.  Something inside me knew this was the answer. Immediately after the meeting ended, I bee-lined it over to a beautiful woman who had just shared that she was a former bulimic. Not realizing how blessed I was at the time and how radically my life would change from that day forward, I got into my car and started to sob like a baby.

The story of my life continues to unfold with each new amazing day. I just take it one day at a time. That is all I can handle. I could write a novel on how FA has changed my life. It truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not binged, purged, or eaten flour or sugar for one year and eight months. I have to pinch myself in the morning, because I feel like I must be dreaming. My life cannot be this good. Not mine. But, it is my life, and it keeps getting better. I am living a dream.

 

This story was originally published in the connection Magazine. Subscribe to the connection Magazine for more stories of recovery. Or submit your own story of recovery.