A Story of Recovery:

First things first

Since I came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, in September 2011, I have had an abundance of firsts: My first meeting was my first experience with the 12 steps; although, it was not a match made in heaven. However, it was also the first time a fellow helped me see the truth: At the break, a gentleman who was sitting next to me showed me his picture. Here was this skinny guy showing me a picture of an overweight man which could very well have been me.

That night my Higher Power helped me experience the first time I made an FA commitment. I made a commitment to call another FA fellow, who “cornered” me at the literature table during the break (more later). That night was also the first time I complained about FA. After the meeting ended, I got into my car and immediately called my sister to “report in”. I told her it was like a bad Saturday Night Live episode. “Hi, I’m a food addict,” “Hi, I’m a food addict,” they sounded like parrots. I was so far in denial and disease, I did not feel I was home, I heard absolutely nothing positive.

Actually, this was the second complaint; the real first was when the leader said, “we will now take a 10 minute break.” How the hell long is this thing going to last? I thought.

Back to my first commitment: I said I would call the man over the weekend. I waited until late Sunday afternoon. Much to my chagrin, he answered and was able to get me to commit to coming to the Wednesday night meeting again. He should have been a car salesman. On Wednesday I showed up and once again sat in “denial aisle”, and God once again placed the same gentleman in the seat next to me.

Once again we got to the break and this time he asked me if I had a sponsor. I replied I was thinking of asking the guy who was able to get me to commit to the two things. He told me I’d better go grab him before someone else did. I was thinking “it doesn’t look like there is anyone else is waiting to beat down his door,” but I asked him, and he said yes.

We agreed I would start the program that Sunday. It was the first time I weighed myself – the scales showed 275 pounds (about125kg). At one point in time, I knew I weighed a least 310 (140kg).  Hell, 275 felt “svelte.”

More firsts for that day including “choking down” a breakfast food and attending a meeting as a fellow. Over the next few weeks came the first time I had to pack an abstinent meal to take to work, my first outreach call, the first time I had to tell someone I don’t eat flour and sugar, my first abstinent “National Food Day”, otherwise known as Thanksgiving, the first time I had to tell my friends why I wasn’t eating and drinking. It was also the first time I heard how we have to be rigorously honest: On a Sunday afternoon in January, after I finished a walk with my sister, we stopped in her driveway, I live in Western New York, and outside in January  is not an ideal place to have a conversation, but for the first time in my life I told a family member I was gay.  So at 58, I was finally honest enough to come out of the closet. What can I say, I’m an overachiever.

Those who know me know I am “gluteally challenged” and my entire life I was told to “pull up your pants or you’re going to lose them.” Thanks to FA, I experienced the first, and so far, the only time, I lost my pants. No one told me the downside to losing weight. I was walking in to work and I was loaded up like a pack mule; I had my computer bag on one shoulder and two coolers containing lunch and dinner on the other. I walked in from the parking lot and then went down stairs, made the turn to walk toward my desk and down went my pants. So I did the “perp walk” to my desk, set down my bags and pulled up my pants. Thank God I get into work early, so no one got the free show. But, by the end of the day all of my co-workers knew about it. I thought it was the funniest thing ever and was telling everyone. I guess it was time for some new clothes, especially a new belt!

One of my favorite firsts was my recent appointment with my primary doctor, the person who actually sent me to FA. She said, “what’s going on with your weight?” meaning it was too low.  This is the first time I have ever been told to put on weight! So I did, manageably, with the help of my sponsor.

And my last first – I have no idea when it occurred – I just know it did not happen prior to joining FA. The first time I had a relationship with my Higher Power. This is by far the best first since it made all of the others occur.

FA and my Higher Power have given me this abundance of firsts. I know by staying abstinent and working with my higher power they will continue to happen.