A Story of Recovery:

Flying Abstinent

Just recently I flew out for my fourth trip to Sri Lanka. This is not an easy journey as it was 19 hours in an airplane. For the past 16 years or so my weight has fluctuated anywhere between 215 and 275 lbs (98-125kg) and flying made me nervous for a variety of reasons: Would I be comfortable? Would the cart keep hitting my arm? Would I fit in the seat? Would they make me pay more or tell me to leave? Would my feet and legs swell like they have in the past?

I also thought about who I was going to sit next to. If it was my husband or sister who are both small and know me, I was okay invading their space. I remember my sister getting annoyed at me on a bus: How dare she comment? I can’t help being fat, sorry there’s nothing I can do.

I have been in FA slightly over a year now. I have lost 120 lbs (54kg) and now weigh 153 (69kg) This last experience of flying was eye-opening and has made me more grateful for the greatest gift I ever received: finding FA. For one thing my arms stayed within my seat–not even slightly over the armrest. That meant I could move around and the tray never hit me.

Getting up to go to the bathroom….Oh those dreaded, tiny, tiny bathrooms, that I could barely turn around in before, seemed bigger. I could take my 3 year old son to the toilet and not worry about knocking him over. I remember the last time we traveled 2 and a half years ago he was an infant and I dreaded going in there to use the changing table. There’s no way I could fit.

This time, at one point I even let my son share my seat when trying to sleep, I couldn’t have imagined this before. All this might seem pretty obvious; you lose half your body weight and life is easier. However, the realization is that I never really knew how uncomfortable I was. It’s almost as if I believed I was a normal size and the rest of the world was just too small. How self-centered!

So now let me tell you about the food during travel. This was a big source of stress from the beginning. The journey from Boston to Colombo, Sri Lanka is about 24 hours from start to finish and I had to figure out how to stay abstinent. Could I eat the meals provided if I specially ordered? (Nope, definitely not). If I pack my food will they let me bring it on the plane (yes they did) and would it all fit in my personal baggage? (Yes it did).

Thank goodness for my sponsor who also has traveled long distances. She warned me that relying on airplane food was not a good choice. She told me how to freeze my grain and veggies to use as ice-packs and then eat everything when thawed. I weighed out my servings and picked up tiny packets of dressing that met airline restrictions. I brought pre-packaged protein and cereal. After each meal I couldn’t believe how easy it was.

So all is going pretty smoothly but there’s another little dilemma: timing. Time difference means I am going from night to day by traveling to the other side of the world. My sponsor and I worked out a plan. It helped to remember food is fuel and I wasn’t going to die of starvation. I did eat breakfast very early but it was still close to the normal meal times. I knew the sooner I committed to eating at these new times the sooner my body would re-adjust. This is necessary as we are staying here one month.

Sri Lanka is the most biodiverse country in the world so finding a variety of abstinent foods is not difficult… if you can plant it, it will pretty much grow here. There are all kinds of fruits and veggies I never get at home. As I sat outside eating my abstinent meal today, looking at this beautiful country I realized I love abstinence: It’s more than just following my food plan,  I can be present for my family and take the time to reflect on all the good things in my life and areas where I can change.

Its humid here and while I am uncomfortable it doesn’t compare to the years prior when I weighed 100 lbs. more. I see how fortunate I am to travel, but doing so in the right size body is more than just about comfort, it removes my blinders and allows for gratitude.