A Story of Recovery:

Going the Distance

My FA journey started when I was living in a small fly-in Inuit community in Nunavut called Arctic Bay, which is located on the most northerly tip of Baffin Island. I had just returned back from my home in Edmonton, Alberta, where I had met with my family doctor. I told her I thought that I had arthritis in my knees, because I could not raise myself from the floor to a chair without pushing myself up on a chair. She told me, “You don’t have arthritis. You are too fat.” At 5’6” tall, I weighed 221 pounds (about 100 kilos). She also told me, “You can either lose weight or go on insulin for the rest of your life. What do you want to do?”

Then she told me about FA saying, “It’s hard, but it works.” I went to my first meeting that night and found a temporary sponsor. I returned to Nunavut the next day and called my sponsor every day using Skype and committed my food. I worked the tools and the weight started dropping. Even better, my blood sugar was dropping and I was hopeful I could get off metformin, which I was taking for my diabetes.

In Arctic Bay, there are no grocery stores, so I had to order my food over the phone once a week and have it flown in. I did not always get what I ordered, or the plane would not arrive due to bad weather. I quickly learned to have a backup of canned items and frozen meats and vegetables. It was not perfect, but it was the best I could do and I was able to keep abstinent.

My goal was to return home to Edmonton, but it was difficult to find a job in my field. I moved from Arctic Bay to another small community called Mayo in the Yukon Territories. Mayo is a small, native community four-and-a-half hours north of Whitehorse and three hours south of Dawson City. There was a small grocery store in the community and supplies were brought in once a week on Tuesdays. The store was closed Tuesday mornings and opened at 2 pm. I was working at this time, so by the time I got off work and was able to make it to the store, the fresh produce was usually sold out and the meat selection was poor. Because I did not have my own vehicle, I could only get groceries with the government vehicle once a month when I went to Whitehorse or Dawson for work. I would have to buy a month’s worth of frozen meat and vegetables and hope I could get fresh produce at the local store. 

I was working my program to the best of my ability, and I had a permanent sponsor in California. There were no AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings in my community and I continued to make my outreach calls using Skype. I was on the frontier list and I recall getting calls from the U.S. regularly and from one lady in Australia. These calls were my lifeline! I also made some good FA friends in British Columbia, Saskatchewan, and Ontario, and I still connect with them. My sponsor wanted me to start conducting FA meetings, so I started up the Tuesday night FA meeting in Mayo. I continued with this meeting for quite some time, despite the fact that I was the only person to attend. I could not see the purpose, but I kept on doing them. During this time, I was also on an AWOL (A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps) via Skype. 

I wish I could say I was always abstinent and did not have a break, but that is not so. In December, the Christmas luncheons got the best of me. I binged for two weeks and gained 10 pounds. I started again and had difficulty keeping my abstinence. I found myself seeking out sponsors whom I thought would be easy on me. I kept breaking, lying, and starting over. 

Finally, I moved back home to Edmonton. I weighed 180 pounds (about 82 kilos) now, despite all my breaks and binges. I found another sponsor whom I thought would be easy on me and things went well for four months, then she had a break. I was so devastated! How could she let me down like that? I had another break. 

I had some surgery in September of that year and did not go back to FA. I thought I could do it on my own. I had the food plan. I knew what I had to do. I just didn’t do it. Over the next three years, I gained 23 pounds (about 10 kilos). I tried everything except working the FA program and using the tools. Pride held me back. I still had some good FA friends who kept in touch and who were encouraging and supportive, even though I was not in Program.

 I finally agreed to go back to a meeting because I had promised an FA friend in Ontario that I would do so. I was working shifts now and was already making excuses in my mind not to stay in FA. I still thought I could do it on my own. I wanted to wait until I got down to the 180 pounds (about 82 kilos) before I went back to FA. I worried What would they think? At the same time, I had to admit that I could not keep the weight off doing it by myself and without FA. My pride and stubbornness still ruled.

When I went to the meeting, people were friendly and welcoming. They said, “Good to see you back.” I was still unwilling to admit defeat. I said I would like to come back, but that I might have a hard time finding a sponsor who would accommodate my work shifts. The next day, one of the long time members called and said she had time to sponsor me if I would like to work with her. I was thrilled! She has a solid program and works her tools daily. She is fair, but not “easy” like the other sponsors I had. She is accommodating about my work shifts and guided me in how to stay abstinent on a trip to Las Vegas after my first three months.

This time in FA is different. I now have the willingness to work the tools of the program. As a result, I have lost 16 pounds (about 7 kilos) and the food is not calling out to me like it did before. I have my 90 days and I am hoping to find a job where I don’t have to work shifts, so I can get involved in an AWOL (A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps). I go to AA meetings regularly and FA meetings as often as possible. 

I have a long way to go physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I am making progress every day. I am thankful to God that he brought me back to FA and that I found a sponsor who is my FA guardian angel. She helps me to guard my abstinence on a daily basis, and she is always there to hold out her hand to me when I stumble.