A Story of Recovery:

Gone But Not Forgotten

Mom and dad are gone now; nevertheless my parents have been the most impactful presence in my life. Growing up in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio with mom, dad and my younger brother David, food was always a strong presence in the house. Mom and dad were overweight, mom more so than dad, and every occasion, birthday or holiday, was cause for a food celebration. Either a specialty sculpted birthday flour product or standard ethnic dishes appeared at the appropriate moment.

Looking back at pictures, I see that I wasn’t actually that overweight as a youngster, although I always thought I was. But after college when I was no longer cocooned by classmates, teachers and parents, and when life got tougher, I packed on the pounds. I also learned to drink in college, which also added weight. I was easily 160 to 170 pounds (72.5 to 77 kilos) when I got my first post-college job.

Mom and dad were always after me to lose weight. One time when I came home to visit (I had taken a post-college job 250 miles [402 kilometers] from home) my dad bent over, I thought, to give me a hug. Instead, he ended up whispering in my ear “you’re fat.” Needless to say my anger spiked, I ate more, then never spoke to my dad again. Mom was more sympathetic, not as verbally abusive, although she could be critical; I could tell she wanted me to lose weight as well.

Throughout my life my weight continued to spike, all the way up to 259 pounds (117 kilos) when I was in my 50s. When I looked back at pictures of myself, I see that there were pictures of me thinner than my mom and finally there were pictures of me fatter than my mom. I never thought I would surpass mom in weight. It took me until age 57 before I became desperate enough to join a program that actually helped me lose weight and keep it off.

After eating continually to soothe myself from my feelings of never feeling good enough either personally or on the job, I joined FA not to lose weight, but to obtain some peace and serenity. I had given up all hope that I would actually lose weight, but my life was so miserable that I went just to have some relief.

Dad passed 21 years before I joined FA thus never saw me in a normal-sized body. Mom lived for two years after I was at goal weight. I never knew how my weight impacted my parents. During the last part of mom’s life while she was in assisted living, staff would come up to me and ask if I was Julia’s daughter. Thinking that mom shared with them what a great daughter I was and how well I took care of her, I gleefully said “yes” expecting some type of over-the-top compliment. To a “t” all of them responded, “So how did you lose the weight?” I guess that was what mom talked about to all the staff that took care of her. At one point she told me how happy she was that I lost the weight because “I finally have my daughter back.” I was happy to have received the gift of a normal-sized body while mom was still alive. And even though dad never saw me this way, I can’t help but think that he knows.

My parents were the most significant part of any success that I had in life, helping me with my last minute school projects, giving me piano lessons, driving me to and from a myriad of school activities, putting me through college, supporting me through graduate school, paying off my overdue credit card bills, etc. Although I will never be able to repay them, I feel that by being in a normal-sized body I am honoring their gifts to me and honoring the care and concern they bestowed on me all throughout their lives.