A Story of Recovery:

Good Signs

I’ve been married for 14 years to the kindest, sweetest, funniest guy on the planet.  I was born under the Chinese astrological year of the ox … steadfast, loyal, steady, stubborn, obstinate  He’s a Rabbit… sensitive, intuitive, energetic.  I adore him.

But, before program, I spent a lot of time feeling critical of him.  “Somebody needs to whip him into shape.”  I thought.  Before program I would agonize inside my own head about how best to deliver the messages to him, to “fix him,” “improve him.”  I used to yell at him, “I turned myself into a pretzel for you and what have you ever done for me?” And then, I would eat, to still the inner demons in my head, to reward myself for “putting up” with him, to do something for myself.

The food stopped working.  I isolated.

In program, my sponsor guided me to WAIT:  to ask myself “Why am I talking?”

I tried talking my husband out of his feelings.  If he came home sad, I’d try to cheer him up.  Now, I listen, really listen, with an open heart and mind.

And my husband has tears of sweet understanding in his eyes when I really listen and he thanks me:  “Thank you for letting me be myself.”

I am abstinent, eating my weighed and measured meals.  And I pray every day for another abstinent day, abstinent from thinking I can or should control my husband.  Abstinent from thinking that I am or could be my husband’s higher power.

 

This story was originally published in the Connection Magazine. Subscribe to the Connection Magazine for more stories of recovery. Or submit your own story of recovery.