A Story of Recovery:

In Sickness and Health

I recently had a case of the flu. I thought at first it was a bad cold coming on, but when the fever and chills started, I knew I was in for a battle. It is never fun to be sick, and staying abstinent can be a challenge during those times. My stomach was queasy, food tasted like paste, and my disease yearned for the comfort foods of my childhood.

Thank God for the structure of this program. I knew it was important to try to eat my three meals each day, even though I didn’t have much of an appetite (quite a sensation for a food addict). In the past (at 297 pounds), I would have gone most of the day without eating, then eat and would have eaten a huge bowl of hot liquid comfort food and flour products.

As I had a clearer sense of what my body needs now in Recovery, I knew my queasy stomach couldn’t handle the lunch and dinner proteins I would normally eat. I substituted a protein that soothed my roiling stomach and gave my body the nutrition it needed to fight the sickness. I wasn’t always able to finish all my meals, but I got balanced nutrition into my body at regular intervals. I knew I had to at least try to eat something to take care of myself. Since we eat such healthy food, the main flu symptoms were finished after a couple of days, with just the congestion remaining.

Once the flu was gone and I was able to return to work, I faced another challenge. My body was still weak and the congestion was still pretty significant. By 2 p.m. every day, my body was exhausted. I knew my HP was telling me I needed to go home and rest, to let my body gain strength to continue fighting my sickness. In the past, I would have stayed at work too long and taken caffeine-loaded diet drinks to “pep up” or stuffed myself with sugar products to “get energy.” I am also a work addict, and it has been a long path in Recovery to learn to weigh and measure my job the same way I weigh and measure my food. Staying abstinent helped keep me clear headed enough to listen to my HP when I needed to go home.

I was too tired and weak to make it to my meetings. During my phone calls, I gained assurance from my fellows that I was doing the right thing. I had to think about others and not just about myself. What kind of service could I do for the newcomer if I’m sitting in the corner, almost comatose? How could I pass on Recovery when I’d be coughing, sneezing, and spreading germs to everyone in the meeting? I had to surrender to the idea that I needed to be healthier and stronger before I could be a good tool again for my HP to use. My disease tried to talk to me, saying that I was falling down on service and letting people down. I was able to listen to my fellows as they assured me that others would be there to greet the newcomer, and I would have my turn again when I was stronger.

Even though I was sick, I still got up and did all of my tools. I weighed and measured my meals, my medicine, my activity, and my rest. I am much better now, still abstinent, and still in a 135-pound body. No longer am I the crazy 297 pound woman who had to feed every sickness with flour and sugar products, use extended sick days because I was still hung over from food, and suffer long agonizing sicknesses. Now in Recovery, illnesses are few and far between. When they do occur, I have the structure and tools of this program to get me through sanely and abstinently.