A Story of Recovery:

Isolating But Never Alone

Despite my initial trepidation about staying home during the COVID-19 pandemic, sheltering with my husband and my adult children has been a relatively stress-free experience. My prescient first reaction—“I can’t stay home I need to get out or I will go crazy”—turned out to be wrong. I get up in the morning, take my sponsee calls, do quiet time, read, eat breakfast, and exercise. My husband (also a member of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous) and I work from home on our respective computers set up in different rooms of the house. I’m amazed by what I can accomplish during the day. My husband and I sometimes meet for lunch and always have dinner together, our version of date night. With their unusual schedule—in bed at 5 a.m. and up by 3 p.m., near the end of the work day—our children stay out of our way. After dinner we all go for walks, play games, watch movies, talk or clean. I find myself calmer and taking care of myself more.

Then it began!

My kids started baking every other day or so. They bake something new or repeat something they love. The aroma is hard to escape. It triggers a mental binge about sweets. I start playing this game in my head. Should I? Why not? No one is watching. No one will know. Maybe I should, just this once? My son is a chef and baker, so being his mom, I feel like I was missing out on his achievements. I want to try the baked goods because my children made them.

Since joining FA five years ago I’ve shed 97 lbs (about 44 kilos) of the 214 lbs (97 kilos) I was carrying. Maintaining my abstinence has been quite an accomplishment for me.  I was not a fan of FA at first. I was blind to the benefits because I had better ways to tweak the program. Eventually I learned that “my way was not the way.”

I also learned from program what would happen if I gave into that mental obsession over the baked goods. I won’t eat just one or two sugar-flour products. It might be 3 or more. How would I be able to stop?  

My kids’ almost-daily baking would be a challenge, but instead of giving in I walk away and feel grateful that I have a program that works for me. In times of trouble and doubt I go right to my tools, whether I read, call a fellow, listen to an FA podcast, join a gathering on Zoom, or read Step One over and over to remind myself that I am and will always be a food addict. I go into another room and recite the Serenity prayer and feel much better. I pray to God every day for my abstinence, and He listens. I cannot do this alone. I need God to guide me through these moments and walk with me through my journey of hope during this most difficult time of isolating from our loved ones, friends and the rest of the world.