A Story of Recovery:

Joy Was My Antidote to Fear

Thankfully, during my first year in Program, I lost more than 120 pounds, did my tools daily, completed an AWOL, and began sponsoring. I happen to be a pretty joyful person, and I often get asked how to be happy. I tell people that even the cheeriest people need tools to help them stay positive when life happens.

But dark storms often do come. During a six-month period, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, had adrenal exhaustion, my father died, I lost my job, my mother had heart failure, and I had to sell my house to get rid of a bad loan. Keeping my abstinence during this time was challenging. My health problems were frightening and expensive to treat. Among other symptoms, I suffered from anxiety, weight gain (from the illness, not from eating), and low motivation. My dreams and personal pride were destroyed. I could easily have believed that God had betrayed me and that the promises of Program had let me down. My food addict mind got so clever it even began to say that abstinence made me sick and that if I just ate, I would feel better.

But thankfully, my tools helped keep me on the beam. But I needed to add an extra practice—joy. Joy was my antidote to fear. When I felt down and defeated I would:

• Sketch and write a list of what God had done to rescue me in the past. When I reflected on the miracles, my faith increased.
• Made a list of activities that gave me pleasure. If it made me laugh, made time float away, or made me feel totally alive, it went on the list of pleasurable activities.
• Committed to 90 days of play, spending an hour each day doing something on my “happy list.”

I was so focused on gratitude and having fun that I didn’t have space to worry. I would sing, whirl around the dance floor, spend time on a blanket outdoors with a friend, walk barefoot on the grass, and swing on the playground until a “weeeee” squealed out of my throat. These activities helped me focus on what I could control until the change I needed happened. It gave me the clarity to hear and obey the next right action given to me by my sponsor, God, my doctor, and FA fellows.

At the end of my 90 days of play, my problems were resolved. The house sold, I got a fantastic job, my mother improved, and so did my health. I kept my abstinence through it all. Today I have more than three years of abstinence, am in my second AWOL, and am living the life of my dreams. What I gained was an unshakeable faith that I could go through anything and still have joy.