A Story of Recovery:

Life in the Sane Lane

Early in Program, I heard an FA member say, “My will to do things was so strong that I changed the carpet in the living room without moving the furniture.” That story stuck with me, because that was my life when I was in food addiction.

I had run marathons while working full time, and I didn’t get enough rest or sleep. At other times in my life, I had worked full time, ran in races, went to school full time, and got married, all during the same time period. I experienced intense obsession with my body image. I was bulimic and had an overeating and exercise addiction. My life lacked boundaries and clarity, and I certainly had no hope for any kind of peaceful balance in my life.

When I was introduced to the principle that Program comes first, then family, then work, it was the beginning of a whole new world for me. It was difficult for me to comprehend the idea of putting Program first. I was used to treating my life like a bull in a china shop. If something felt right to do, then I would do it. To actually think, pray, and talk prior to making decisions was very challenging for me. I binged on food and I binged on cramming as much into my life as possible. I loved it when people would be in awe of how I did so much.

Before FA, I would try to restrict food in order to lose weight, and would try to isolate from people and difficult situations as a way to avoid facing difficult things. I did not have skills to deal with life sanely. I would binge and purge as a way of eating all the food I wanted to eat, hoping I wouldn’t gain weight. I would also binge and purge with life—give, give, give, not get much sleep, try really, really hard at my jobs or relationships, and then I would just be exhausted and would isolate for weeks at a time, with food as my only friend.

I wanted badly to have children when I came into FA. It was all I thought about, or should I say, obsessed about. Waiting for this took many painful talks with my sponsor, lots of quiet time, and most of all, trust in my sponsor, my higher power, and the principles of Program.

I have been in FA for almost eight years now. I have lost 30 pounds from my body and 200 pounds from my head. I am so grateful that I did surrender not only to the food, but also to the principles of Program and to a loving higher power

I did not get the family I wanted exactly when I wanted it, but I have learned that there is a precious flow to life that I never respected until coming into FA. My husband and I received two blessed children through the foster care system four years after I came into FA. It was a heart-stretching journey that I could never have done any earlier than I did. I loved what a fellow friend in FA told me that helped me to trust: God is never early, but is never too late.