A Story of Recovery:

Living My Right Life

I am a girl who spent the majority of my life putting wrappers in my bed, bags, car and even my own underpants to sneak food past my parents every night. I am also a girl who got my 90 days in FA this past Tuesday. I am a nineteen-year old college student who was, until mid-November, a tortured food addict. In FA we say that food addiction is a progressive disease; it certainly is with me; I gained over 100 pounds in under two years. This obviously took a great toll on my body; as I was nearing 250 pounds I felt the muscles in my back spasm and clench walking to the mailbox. Sweat constantly dripped down my back, legs and face, which I found mortifying. Perhaps the worst pain was that of my parents watching me physically and emotionally deteriorate before their eyes.

I couldn’t fit into any of my clothes and my misery was directly increasing with my weight, but I continued to sneak sugar and flour products from the store into my bedroom every night. I remember knowing that wasn’t good for me; that eating four king-sized bars a night was poison for my well-being, but I literally could not stop myself. It was as if my hand and the sugar products were magnetically attached. Being a teenager, I would find excuses to go to restaurants with my friends. While they could take or leave the food, I would always make sure to order the ‘biggest’ meal on the menu and would still not be satisfied. I couldn’t care less about actually talking to my friends: the food was everything.

Eventually that summer semester of my sophomore year, I was pulled out of college and began an eating disorder treatment program. They told me to still eat dessert, saying “there is no good or bad food”. I was basically getting the same treatment as anorexic patients. At first my food addict brain was thrilled; “moderation” was a softer way in which I thought I could live. However, I failed at moderation epically. I continued to lie to my therapists and family and continued to climb up the scale. The treatment center did however succeed at helping me to heal emotionally. I was taught boundaries and coping skills. I was suicidal, but the therapy made me strong enough to start the FA program.

I attended my first FA meeting and for the first time in years I felt inspired and hopeful. I decided I could not be in pain a moment longer and got a sponsor that very night. My sponsor has been wonderful in guiding me. I believe I was able to obtain my ninety days without breaking because I was in such a dark place. I wanted my life back and I knew that sugar and flour were slowly sucking the life out of me. Ninety days have passed and forty pounds have been lost. I am elated to report that I am no longer in physical pain. After taking a semester off I resumed school at a local college so I can attend FA meetings and put my recovery first. It is still a wonder to me how I can walk on the sprawling campus every day in a pain free body. I feel proud of myself and the right sized body I am making my way into. Even though I am forty pounds down and not even halfway finished in my weight loss journey, I have realized that I am living my right life. With the loss of sugar and flour I have gained hope, joy, integrity and self love. I know that my abstinence is a precious gem that must be protected at all costs. This program gave me life, and I will be eternally grateful.