A Story of Recovery:

Love Me, Love My Program

When I first joined FA, I heard so many slogans. I thought most of them sounded very cliché. When I was in Program for about three months, I heard, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No matter what, don’t eat.” I think I probably rolled my eyes. I kept hearing the same woman get up meeting after meeting restating the same slogan. I think I actually kept count of how many times she announced it. I wanted nothing to do with any of the slogans, especially that one; it just had no personal meaning to me. It seemed like she was just saying it because someone told her to say it, over and over again.

Although I didn’t put too much thought into the meaning of the slogan at the time, her words seem to stick in my head. I began hearing that woman’s voice, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No matter what, don’t eat.” Looking back on my six years in recovery, I can now see that I have applied that slogan to my life.

I barely dated before recovery. I was terrified of men, so I just stayed away from them. Being morbidly obese allowed me to do that very easily. After I joined FA, I waited a long time before I dated, and I know that was the right choice for me. I needed the clarity and experience of being abstinent for a while before I began inviting men into my life.

I now have had some very interesting dating “adventures” and have met a lot of amazing people. However, there were a couple men who were not so kind. In the beginning, they seemed to be very interested in getting to know me better. But when I finally shared what I do in FA, their support began to dwindle. They could not accept that FA took up time in my life. One of these men kept insisting that I indulge in foods that were not abstinent, despite my explaining to him many times why I couldn’t stray from my meal plan. He just could not seem to respect my lifestyle. Although I was confronted with continuous pressure to eat during this relationship, I didn’t eat, no matter how much he tried to convince me it was okay. I knew that if I ate, I would be back to my original weight of 325 pounds in a matter of months. Eating was not an option for me. I also learned that anyone in my life who doesn’t accept me for who I am shouldn’t be a part of my life. Again, I heard that woman’s voice, “Don’t eat no matter what. No matter what, don’t eat.” Her slogan was really making a lot of sense to me.