A Story of Recovery:

Miracle Freedom

I’m a 23-year old food addict living in Costa Rica and have been interested in food as long as I can remember.  Some of my earliest memories are of me trying to sneak food behind my mothers back, and some of my earliest resentments are against my mother for not letting me eat everything I wanted.

I was born in California, but my family moved to Costa Rica almost 11 years ago so my mom could go back to school. I didn’t really have a stable upbringing, but the move my parents’ country of origin brought a whole new dimension of instability.

I didn’t know the language too well, and I wasn’t very attractive at that time, so the kids didn’t really feel a need to be nice to me. I had a hard time in high school, and food was my main outlet. There was an abundance of bakeries and little corner stores, and flour and sugar products were ridiculously cheap.

With two years of high school left, I changed schools, determined not to repeat the same story of being bullied. I got in with the “right” people and quickly took up drinking and pot. This led me into a downward spiral, where whatever obligation I had to deal with (e.g. school) took second place to consumption in all forms. My family moved back to the U.S. and I stayed behind to finish college.

When I was 20, my cousin and best friend committed suicide and I went from substance abuse to addiction. Through a series of events, I came to care less and less about what my life looked like and where I ended up, and more and more about how to get my drugs.

After a blotched appendicitis 11 months ago, I ended up with a massive abdominal infection and underwent another surgery. My skin wound opened up, and I was on a machine that would drain fluid from my wound 24/7 for about three months. With all these things going on, my priority was to get food that was obviously not on the diet my doctor told me I needed to follow.

After dropping from 200-plus pounds to 180 because of the surgery, I found myself pretty sick, in the U.S., staying with my parents. I ended up putting on more than 27 pounds in two months while I was healing. I had never had so much junk food in my life, and I could not put down the food, literally to save my own life.

Then the miracle happened. Someone told my mom about FA. We looked it up on the Internet, found a meeting, and went. I now have almost eight months of continuous abstinence, and I have no idea why I started and stuck with this program. There is no explanation other than a Higher Power.

I had really bad withdrawals, and my mind and body still rebel against facing reality without my filter of choice, the food. Two months into Program, I was all healed from my surgeries and ready to come back to Costa Rica and face life. I was not blessed with immediate relief over food obsession, and can’t really call myself neutral even after seven months, so for me the miracle is not wanting the food, but wanting it and not having to eat it.

I found many challenges working my Program while so far away from other FA members. AA has been my lifeline, and I am very thankful there are others who have gone before me, working their program in outlying areas.

When I was five months into Program, tragedy struck. A cousin of mine was shot to death outside a club. A week after his death, I came home early to study and walked into my house to find a lot of people and a huge banner with my cousin’s face on it.

I had to get my dinner ready, and when I walked into the kitchen, with no prior warning, I came face to face with an FA member’s worse nightmare. Every surface of the kitchen was covered with trays and boxes of flour and sugar items that people had brought for a prayer group.

Then another miracle happened. Something made me turn around, go to my room, shut the door, get on my knees, and then make outreach calls. I later went back to the kitchen to prepare my food. Afterwards, I was left alone with all that food for a couple of hours, but I didn’t take the bite that day. I still haven’t taken the bite. And God willing, and if I keep on putting up my one percent, one day at a time, I can keep on getting these miracles and not have to take that bite ever again.