A Story of Recovery:

Money in the Bank

Several years ago, I suffered three concussions in a row. When the final one hit, it was as if my brain and my body just shut down. It seemed like my life got put on pause, while everyone else’s kept going. The pain, sound and light sensitivity, and fatigue were so extreme that I was mainly confined to one room and couldn’t participate in life at all. I was unable to see family or friends, and I couldn’t work, drive, or use my eyes for anything. I was in tremendous pain constantly.

I felt desperate, because I had always been told that in order to keep recovery, I had to work all of my tools. In the state I was in, I could hardly do any of my tools. I couldn’t even leave a room. I couldn’t read, go to meetings, or make phone calls.

I remember my sponsor calmly saying that I had put my money in the bank (aka-done all my tools faithfully) for seven years. She said that since I couldn’t work on my recovery myself while I was ill, my higher power would do it for me.

Those words were comforting. The one tool that I could do was quiet time. Basically, my days consisted of doctors, sleep, and hours and hours of quiet time, which deepened my relationship with my higher power.

For the past three years, I’ve been fighting my way back. It may seem strange to say, but at this point I can see the blessings that have come from this situation. I’m still not one hundred percent healed, but I love my life. I’m thrilled to be back at meetings, to be able to do my tools, and to be of service. I am overwhelmed with gratitude at all of the amazing people in my life. I am grateful and amazed that I was able to go through this time without turning to food.  Even though I disappeared for that whole time, my friends, family and FA fellows stood by me.

Today my life is much more low-key. I deal with some symptoms of post-concussion syndrome and have migraines daily. But life is good. It amazes me, because before FA, if the smallest thing went wrong, I crumbled. Now, when life has gotten really hard, I have been able to manage it.

I know that life does not become all sunshine and roses just because I am in FA. Life is life, and often life is hard. The difference now is that when life gets hard, with the help of my higher power, my fellows, and this program, I can walk through the difficulties with a measure of acceptance, serenity, and grace.