A Story of Recovery:

New Roadmap

Eating for me was like being in a contest to see how much more I could eat than anyone else at the table. When I was in around seventh grade, my parents were entertaining a friend from New Zealand and we went to a popular fast-food place for lunch. The friend commented on how much Americans eat. Not to let her down, I ordered an entire extra meal and ate everything. At an even younger age, my family was visiting an old friend for supper. I kept eating and eating, to show our host how much I liked the food. I ate until I got sick.

I’ve had trouble with food ever since I can remember. While I was growing up I continually sneaked large amounts of sugar and flour products until they were all gone, just hoping that no one would notice. It was somehow acceptable in my family to eat large amounts of traditional meal foods, but not to overeat flour and sugar products.  I tried to lose weight many times in my life—to no avail. I thought I could do it by myself, but boy, was I mistaken! I would stick to a self-imposed diet for a day or two – maybe even a week. Then I would be right back to my old way of eating and the pounds would pile on. My doctor told me to lose weight before he could perform some bladder surgery I needed, but even after finding that out, I couldn’t lose the weight. It never occurred to me that I could be a food addict.

I am so fortunate that a substance abuse counselor gave me a meeting list for FA. I thought about it for a couple of weeks and decided to go and check out a meeting. Little did I know that I would get hooked up with a sponsor (whatever that was) that night, pick up a digital scale at Wal-Mart, stop at the local supermarket, and begin my food plan the very next day. I weighed 236 pounds.

It wasn’t all easy for me. Before FA, my life was completely controlled by my fears: fear of driving to new places, fear of new people, fear of how other people perceived me, fear of the telephone, etc. Along with all my other fears, change makes me cringe inwardly. I like a nice ordered life with a lot of stability. When asked to make changes, I naturally balk. So having the “courage to change the things I can…” has been especially challenging for me.

After one month in FA, I decided to join an AWOL to study the Twelve Steps. There I discovered that in order to stay in the AWOL I would have to quit smoking. I drove home in tears. Actually, I was hysterical. I knew that I couldn’t quit smoking. I’d tried many times before, without success. Well, God had plans for me. I gave up cigarettes, one day at a time, and I’ve been free from smoking for almost three months.

I had another challenge early on in Program when I offered to give a member a ride to and from a meeting.  I didn’t realize that I would have to go through a rotary to pick her up, and I am deathly afraid of rotaries.

FA has helped me to change—to work through these fears, one day at a time, one fear at a time. During the day I repeat the serenity prayer often, and also the motto, let go and let God. I now pray my way through intersections. I have learned that I must deal with all of life’s challenges head-on, with God in the pilot’s seat.

My whole family is very supportive and everyone is amazed by my progress. We had a meal at my father’s house, and I had offered to bring my own meal. He insisted on preparing dinner for all of us and made sure I had everything I needed. What a wonderful thing to have someone care about me so much that they go the extra mile to ensure my needs are met.

Eating three meals a day is a new experience for me. I used to graze on junk food all day and then have a large meal, complete with seconds and sometimes  thirds. With my FA food plan, I have three wonderful, satisfying meals each day, which has given me more energy than I’ve had in years. With the weight loss, quitting smoking, and the healthy diet, my physical health has improved.  My blood sugar is always under control and my symptoms of diabetes have disappeared. My chronic smoker’s cough is gone.

Of course there is more to FA than simply losing weight. It’s a whole new way of life. There has to be something to take the place of all that food! My life now is filled with a tremendous support system, combined with help from my higher power. Never before in my life have I been as close to God as I am now.

My life is truly a miracle. I’ve lost 44 pounds and still have a ways to go, but I’m pretty excited at my progress so far. There’s no way I could have done this by myself. All I need is the desire to stop eating addictively and a belief in a higher power to meet that desire. Everything else just seems to fall into place.