A Story of Recovery:
Ninety Days of Honesty
I mustered up the courage to go to my first FA meeting a little over 90 days ago. I got there a little early and saw 1 or 2 people milling around, but I wanted to go in closer to starting time. I had gone to OA for a few years before this, and knew about meetings starting on time. As the start of the meeting approached, there were several people outside the entrance and my guess was that the door was locked. A couple of people started walking away and I thought, “If I don’t get out of this car now and introduce myself I may never come back.”
I got out of the car and said, “Hi, I’m new.” I was instantly welcomed. A few of the women were saying that because of the holiday, the meeting room was locked in a way that we could not get in. One of the members offered to meet at her house and another member offered to drive me there. I just couldn’t believe it. In an instant, we were having a grass-roots meeting which is just what I needed.
The level of commitment I sensed among these people set this group apart. I could feel serious recovery, and so I knew I was in the right place. Hearing stories from thin people who talked about being 300 pounds and over spoke right to my heart. I had seen 305 on the scale, and that got me into OA. My abstinence in that program was simply to stay gluten free. But after 3 years, I began to go for full strength flour again and couldn’t control myself, even though whenever I ate gluten I broke out in a rash all over my body.
The FA meeting was safe, warm and inviting. When it was time to leave, I felt as though I was going to fall off a cliff if I didn’t surrender myself to this program right away. My back was against the wall. I had found the last house on the block and that needed to be home or else it was the end of me. I had lost all control around food. I asked some of the women who had shared their big number losses what I can or can’t eat. One of them asked her sponsee to get me started and she told me to call her that night.
I called that night and she gave me my food plan. We talked about what food I needed to shop for, and she gave me the tools of the program. She also said to call her the next morning at 6am. I thought that was early, but was willing to do pretty much anything by that time. I was grateful.
I started my first day of abstinence on July 5th, 2015 weighing 287. I’m 5’10 and 44 years old. I’ve been overweight my whole life.
I lost 16 pounds in my first month. There was a learning curve to get over the first month, but once I got used to this new way of cooking and planning it became easier. I heard a lot of long term abstinent fellows tell me it just gets easier and easier and I have found that to be true.
My second month I lost 15 pounds, and 11 in my 3rd month. I listened to what my sponsor told me and just ate what I said I was going to eat. When I had food fantasies I would make extra calls to fellows and talk about them. I prayed for the willingness to not have food fantasies. I was willing to not have them and then they disappeared. They come back a little here and there, but I don’t give them too much air-time in my thoughts; I consciously decide to think of something else. That is a miracle to me because the food used to call my name.
After 90 days I’m down 42 pounds. My body is already taking on a different shape, I have less cellulite, I feel lighter, my clothes fit differently and my mind is much clearer. Not only am I weighing and measuring my food, but I’m also weighing and measuring my life. FA is answering all of the questions that I’ve had about myself regarding my food and weight. FA is an answered prayer for me.