A Story of Recovery:
No Matter What
One statistic I heard on the radio recently is that 95 percent of human thoughts are useless, and that humans have between 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of thoughts for this food addict with a sensitive nervous system. I have a very active brain. Apparently, I think. A lot. Some might call it obsessive thinking. When the mental component of this disease of addiction kicks in, it seems that there’s no stopping the freight train of obsession.
When I had my first boyfriend in FA, I spent countless hours analyzing whether he was right for me. “Stop thinking and relax,” my sponsor said, but that was easier said than done. Sometimes I wished I had something to take the edge off, a way to escape the ticker tape of thoughts parading through my mind. Thank you, God, I picked up neither food, nor alcohol, nor caffeine, nicotine, or any other substance. The only things I picked up were the phone, the tool of writing, and spending more time on my knees talking to God.
A fellow taught me a trick she uses to combat obsessive thinking. Whether I am obsessing about a man, another circumstance over which I have no control, or my hair, I can get on my knees and say, “God, I am powerless over this thought. Please take it.” Then, I can say, “Thank you for taking it.” After that, I deliberately turn my mind to something I’m grateful for, even if it’s simply my fingers and toes.
Step Three can be exhausting. Sometimes, I have to do this many times a day, then I get on the phone and get connected, either with an old timer, one of my close fellows, or a newcomer. Another fellow once stated in her qualification, “Connection is the opposite of addiction.” When I am connected to God and to my fellows, I am in much less danger of thinking food is the answer, and my soul is put at ease.
With regards to that boyfriend, eventually, through sitting still, praying, writing, and not eating no matter what, I got clear that he was not the right guy for me. Today, I know that no matter what, I do not have to eat over obsessive thinking. Thank you God I have not had a bout of obsessive thinking in a while. Another fellow taught me that as long as I’m working a strong program, I can’t help but get better, one day at a time. And that I have to trust that I am getting better. Thank you FA for leading me to prayer and peace.