A Story of Recovery:

One Tiny Life-Saving Meeting

I found FA in 2010 when I was 36 years old and was carrying 350 pounds on my 5’ 4” frame. I came into Program defeated and knowing that the common denominator in all my past failed “diet” attempts was me. I tweaked them, I modified them, I never even really followed them.  This meant a new level of desperation to try this Program EXACTLY how it was being passed down. Also, following the program as best I could meant that when it failed, it would be the program’s fault, not mine. Needless to say, the Program works. I have been abstinent and maintaining a normal size body for almost eight years.

We have one face-to-face FA meeting about 45 minutes from my small, rural, no-need-to-lock-your-front-door town.  There are typically only five steady members that can make it to meetings. Less in the winter when roads are closed or too treacherous to drive on after dark. For my first five years we had the same committed members.  However, slowly they all moved, or sadly, passed away except me. With each member leaving, God brought in a new member. Typically, two people would show interest, but only one would stay. And so we seem to maintain a meeting of about five steady members. Needless to say, we all have multiple service positions. Those of with 90-days have to share at every meeting to fill up the hour-and-a-half and we lead multiple times a month if need be. We rely on alternative meeting formats and only qualify when a newcomer attends a meeting.

Throughout my eight years I have had thoughts of leaving FA for various reasons. Mostly when my diseased mind gets too much freedom to run ramped. One night when driving the hour home in the dark, praying a deer didn’t dart out or another driver doesn’t assume they can use both lanes when coming around pitchback corner too fast, I had one of these “that’s it! I’m leaving FA” thoughts.  “It is late at night.  I haven’t seen my son since I left for work at 7 that morning.  I’m driving an hour on these horrid roads.  I’m done!” Luckily, I had a strong enough Program and connection with my Higher Power (HP) for the second thought to be about how FA landed in my dinky, little, nothing-of-a-town just to save my life and here I was looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Skipping forward through the FA History recorded and known by many and how my HP had played a hand in all that; about ten years ago, five women from FA Bay Area, California all moved to my surrounding area for completely different reasons.  Because of how large the Bay area is, none of them really knew each other, but through various connections in the fellowship, knew that someone else in the area had also recently relocated nearby.  After the boxes were unpacked and the initial shock of our weather settled these women found each other and worked together to carry the message of FA to those who were still suffering.  They handed out flyers, talked to their new physicians, talked to people they were meeting in their new locations and continued to work their Program. To be totally honest, I am not sure of all work they did to develop this meeting, but they did it. A meeting was held in a rural area that no other food addiction recovery program had ever held a meeting before or since.

My Doctor was one of those doctors that received a flyer. I was borderline diabetic. She was about to prescribe blood pressure medicine to a 36 year old if I couldn’t get my weight under control. She tested my thyroid and other medical reasons for constant weight gain, but as mentioned, I was the reason for the constant weight gain.  Rather, my disease was the reason for the constant weight gain. She gave me a flyer and for over a year I ignored it, always determined to “do it [lose weight] myself.” Finally, a year later I was heavier and more defeated than ever and I asked for another flyer; but it would still take me another six months to actually go to a meeting.

So when I was ready to throw out the only thing that has ever worked for me, I realized how much work my HP conducted through these people to bring me into Program; the career changes that had driven fellows to relocate to a new college, husbands of fellows who got new jobs and the actual moving to a new and strange location. And, the work and humility that was put in to share with doctors and people that, despite that they were already in a normal size body, that they had finally found neutrality and freedom from food. They too had to carry multiple service positions and rotate through leading much more than they did back in their California fellowships. My HP opened up the door to a location, a date, and a time just so that eventually FA would cross my path and I would get the opportunity to be set free from the disease of food addiction that plagued me and made my life so unmanageable. How dare I decide that my efforts of driving an hour each way was too much of an inconvenience? That my sleeping in was more important than passing down what had so generously been giving to me? I really felt my HP saying “I put this here for you!”

And those are the words I hear whenever I am too tired and don’t feel like going to my (semi) local meeting.  “I put this here for you!”  And thus, I go. However, for the past few months, I have not been going to my local meeting. Between traveling assignments for my work and traveling to care for my two ailing parents, I have also undergone a major surgery myself. Since we don’t have enough nearby people to do home meetings, nor anyone nearby to drive me when I was not yet cleared to drive I have truly been experiencing the frontier of having no FA meetings. However, I am luckier than those frontier people that I have sponsored and talked with for the eight-plus years of Program who have never had a FA meeting to go to in their areas. I have a strong foundation thanks to my Sponsor and those who brought the Program to my area and who lead by example. I have a vast network of fellows I can make outreach calls to. Individuals who really know me. Some I have met in person, others I never have. But the distance of miles does not create the distance in our bond and understanding. At other FA meetings, members welcome me with open arms and are excited to see me in the sporadic times that I am in their cities working or caring for one of my parents.

And my original (semi) local meeting – carries on.  They lead the meetings and cover my service positions, and reach out to me in support of seeing me soon. I know my HP, through those fellows, is keeping the meeting going for when this season of my life passes and I can rejoin my small but mighty local FA meeting that He put here, in this outlying area, for me and for ALL those suffering from food addiction and for that, I am grateful.