Ten years ago, I reached a point where I almost gave up ever being able to control my weight. I had struggled with various diets for more than 50 years. I was about ready to say to hell with it and eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. If it killed me, so be it. (My doctor had assured me that it would kill me if I continued on the path I was on.) I had become so nasty, mean, and ugly that I couldn’t stand myself. I was continually angry with myself for failing the diet plans that I had started almost every Monday morning of my life. I was on many prescriptions, which only exacerbated my “don’t give a damn” outlook on life. I had dieted and exercised my way up to 452 pounds. My nephew, who was a surgeon in the Air Force, came home from Germany, took one look at me, and suggested that... Continue Reading
Trust God? Sure I trust God! I turn my life and will over to Him every day in my morning prayers. Then life happens and I fall into the old pattern of taking control and trying to fix things or run them my way. I say that I trust God, and on many levels I believe that I do, but deep down I still think I need to take care of things, just in case God doesn’t do it right (otherwise known as my way). I am finally seeing the places in my life where I need to let go, so that I can practice trusting God with every aspect of my life. A week ago, when my 10-year-old daughter came home from school, she realized that she had lost her homework folder somewhere between dismissal from school and home. She went into a fear-filled outburst. She had homework in... Continue Reading
As a child I grew very overweight. I was left home alone often and used food to suppress my feelings. If I felt anxious, excited, or overwhelmed, my first reaction would be to turn to food. I saw my father do the same thing with alcohol. Although it felt good in the moment, and I thought I was getting the comfort I needed, I was taking actions that had a negative effect on me. Kids on the school bus teased me. I could not wear normal-sized clothes and I would be embarrassed to take my T-shirt off in dance class. I felt horrible, and the more horrible I felt, the more I would eat. Once I started eating, I could not stop. I always wanted more. The only time I was not focused on food was in drama class or on stage. I got to adolescence and decided I wanted... Continue Reading
One early morning, right after I had taken my quiet time and talked to my sponsees, I noticed that a particularly heavy and intense downpour had begun. The thunder actually woke up my usually hard-to-rouse four-year-old, who snuggled in my lap, frightened. It was all over relatively quickly. Then a few minutes later, I got a text message from my housemate, who lives in the basement. “Some water got under the door and soaked into the carpet.” I went downstairs to inspect and actually found that an approximately 10×15-foot area of the carpeting was completely soaked. The reason was a clogged, neglected drain outside the house. Totally my fault, and not covered by my homeowner’s insurance. As a single mom who is still learning the basics of homeownership (my ex-husband had taken care of all that when he lived in the house), I can really pick up the self-hatred when... Continue Reading
When I first came into FA, it was overwhelming learning to do all the tools. I was uncomfortable having 30 minutes of quiet time every morning, and I felt it was unreasonable to only eat three meals a day with nothing in between. After doing this for a year and a half, I see how it has helped me in so many aspects of my life. Like the boy in the movie Karate Kid, who learns to do Karate by doing simple chores like “wax on, wax off,” I, too, am learning to deal with life by doing simple tasks over and over. I had to learn to eat three meals a day with nothing in between. I had to learn to sit down at the table and take my higher power with me, so that mealtime would become a time of thanksgiving and ease. I don’t stand up in... Continue Reading
