I found FA just before my 30th birthday. My top weight was in the high 180s, which I thought I carried fairly well on my 5’ 6” body. But, I definitely prefer my current weight of 125. My story is not one of immediate willingness or of continuous abstinence. I feel truly grateful for my recovery today because I know I could have been one of the many people who picked up that first bite and never made it back. For as long as I can remember, food has been very important to me. I felt ashamed about how I ate, so I would try to hide it from other people as much as I could. I stole money from my parents to buy sugary treats. I hid in my closet, eating my Halloween and Easter goodies, as well as my sister’s, if I could get away with it. Sugar... Continue Reading
Every Wednesday I took the train from work directly to my illustrating class at a prestigious art school. (The fact that I signed up for the class was totally God). I ate my weighed and measured dinner in the common area, which had tables and chairs, an open area for displaying various student art projects, and a ping pong table. Often there would be students playing ping pong. And just as often, the ball would bounce on the tables near me or under my table. I was rather uncomfortable with this, as it conjured up the idea that I might have to interact with the players, not to mention the fact that I thought it might knock over my water or land in my food. One evening, as I was eating my meal and reading the funnies in the newspaper, a ball bounced on my table and came dangerously close... Continue Reading
One of my good college friends had a bachelorette weekend in CA when I was two years into Program. Little did I know that it would be an illegal drug/smoking fest. And I hadn’t guessed that this would be the weekend when some of my friends thought it would be good to confront me about my “problem” with food (i.e., their “concern” for me being in Program). Little did they know that this program was saving my life. Before FA, I was 165 pounds, exercising for more than three hours a day, and wasn’t losing weight. I had tried many free diets because I was too financially insecure to pay for anything. When I was in college, whenever I was numb, bored, or overwhelmed, I would sit and read with my hand in a bag and stuff my mouth, not even knowing how much I had consumed until there was... Continue Reading
I have been in FA for almost nine years. I come from the madness of 20 years of either overeating, bulimia, or controlled eating, and I had had enough. It was suggested that I go to AA, which was a bit of a joke, as I only drank a bit in the evenings and got a bit drunk at parties. Amazingly, I was open to it, as I realized that deep down I had issues with alcohol. But I soon realized that it was food that was my problem. I was encouraged to go to Overeaters Anonymous, but could not manage there without strict boundaries around food. During that time, I experienced more ups and downs than I could imagine. I thought that when I stopped eating addictively, embraced this program, and did God’s will instead of my own, then all would be well. How could it not? Surely, being honest,... Continue Reading
Being 50 pounds overweight was a huge part of the reason I felt like I didn’t fit in, but I found out, after joining FA, that it wasn’t the only reason. What I know now is that I had the disease of fear, doubt, and insecurity, and no matter what I did or said, I just felt like I was dumb and wrong about everything. Nothing I said or did was worthwhile or enough. In FA I found out that this way of thinking is extreme self-centered fear—thinking nothing of myself, but thinking about myself all the time. If I dared to show up to a social event, I was positive that everyone had me under a microscope and was analyzing my body, my words, and my every breath. I even thought that people could read my mind! I was so critical and judgmental of others because of how poorly... Continue Reading
