Living on the FA frontier with no FA meetings taught me qualities that were foreign to me−perseverance and tenacity. Without a live fellowship around me, and few fellows in the same time zone, I had to lean on my Higher Power more and be creative with my tools. My FA journey began in California, when there was one meeting in San Francisco and a couple in a town I’d never heard of−Cupertino. I knew that if I joined the program, I would have to go to three committed meetings a week. Note that I say “have to” rather than “get to.” By nature, I am a lazy food addict who dislikes driving, showing up regularly, and anything inconvenient. So the prospect of driving anywhere between 45 minutes and almost two hours, three times every week, was distinctly unappetizing. (Later on, when I knew the joy of FA recovery and my... Continue Reading
After years of being trapped in a pattern of relapse, I realized that I had to learn how to live life on life’s terms if I was going to stay abstinent. I had heard that numerous times in my years in FA, but this time what that really meant got through to me. It meant that no matter what feeling was overwhelming me, it was not a reason to put anything in my mouth. Getting abstinent was hard. I was not “struck” abstinent with the cravings lifted and a pink cloud, like I had heard of other people’s experience. Instead, I felt raw and sensitive and had cravings for the first year, but I worked my program and, by God’s grace, I didn’t eat. One experience at a time, I walked through fears of not being enough and the disappointments of not getting to do everything I wanted to. I learned how... Continue Reading
I first came to FA weighing in at 220 pounds (99.7 kilos) of fear, doubt and insecurity. I miraculously lost 90 pounds (40.8 kilos) in nine months, but I left program after one year. Before FA, I had tried many different diets. In fact, at my one of my first qualifications, I brought in a grocery sack full of diet books and fad diets from magazines that I had tried. I also tried Atkins, Pritikin, Medical Weight Loss, LA Weight Loss, and I joined Weight Watchers two different times. Finally, I decided I must be insulin-resistant, because no matter how hard I tried to lose, I could only gain. I felt hopeless and just submitted to the fact that I, too, would follow the path of my parents and grandparents on both sides, of obesity and diabetes. I was a skinny kid until high school, and even then was average... Continue Reading
My husband has always said that pain is the greatest motivator. I started FA in so much mental and physical pain. At 5”1’, I weighed 231 pounds (104.8 kilos), was pre-diabetic and on the heart transplant list. I also had a roof over my head, a full belly and loving family and friends. I was not under a bridge, worrying where my next meal would come from, but his was my rock bottom. Living yet dying. I spent years obsessing about food and my weight. I obsessed about when and what to eat. Eat, binge, purge, starve and then a sprinkle of depression with a side of anxiety. The last few years of my addiction, food did not taste good anymore. Hence, the larger bags of foods to sustain the longer binges. The mass amounts of intake turned into purging. I was searching for that joy, the joy food used... Continue Reading
I have long railed against going to bed on time. When I was kid, my mother had to scream to get me up. Into adulthood, my three alarm clocks did the same. I hated to go to bed even though I was tired. There was always one more television show to watch, one more book chapter to read, or one more snack to eat. When I joined FA ten years ago and began to call my sponsor at 6 am, it became clear that I’d need to change. I could no longer drag myself to bed at midnight or 1 a.m. and expect to stay abstinent from addictive eating. Being overtired is one of the easiest ways I know for my hands to grab for sugar and flour products. Before I joined FA, at 5’5” and over 200 pounds (91 kilos), I found that, at the end of the day,... Continue Reading
