After years of being trapped in a pattern of relapse, I realized that I had to learn how to live life on life’s terms if I was going to stay abstinent. I had heard that numerous times in my years in FA, but this time what that really meant got through to me. It meant that no matter what feeling was overwhelming me, it was not a reason to put anything in my mouth. Getting abstinent was hard. I was not “struck” abstinent with the cravings lifted and a pink cloud, like I had heard of other people’s experience. Instead, I felt raw and sensitive and had cravings for the first year, but I worked my program and, by God’s grace, I didn’t eat. One experience at a time, I walked through fears of not being enough and the disappointments of not getting to do everything I wanted to. I learned how... Continue Reading
I first came to FA weighing in at 220 pounds (99.7 kilos) of fear, doubt and insecurity. I miraculously lost 90 pounds (40.8 kilos) in nine months, but I left program after one year. Before FA, I had tried many different diets. In fact, at my one of my first qualifications, I brought in a grocery sack full of diet books and fad diets from magazines that I had tried. I also tried Atkins, Pritikin, Medical Weight Loss, LA Weight Loss, and I joined Weight Watchers two different times. Finally, I decided I must be insulin-resistant, because no matter how hard I tried to lose, I could only gain. I felt hopeless and just submitted to the fact that I, too, would follow the path of my parents and grandparents on both sides, of obesity and diabetes. I was a skinny kid until high school, and even then was average... Continue Reading
My husband has always said that pain is the greatest motivator. I started FA in so much mental and physical pain. At 5”1’, I weighed 231 pounds (104.8 kilos), was pre-diabetic and on the heart transplant list. I also had a roof over my head, a full belly and loving family and friends. I was not under a bridge, worrying where my next meal would come from, but his was my rock bottom. Living yet dying. I spent years obsessing about food and my weight. I obsessed about when and what to eat. Eat, binge, purge, starve and then a sprinkle of depression with a side of anxiety. The last few years of my addiction, food did not taste good anymore. Hence, the larger bags of foods to sustain the longer binges. The mass amounts of intake turned into purging. I was searching for that joy, the joy food used... Continue Reading
I have long railed against going to bed on time. When I was kid, my mother had to scream to get me up. Into adulthood, my three alarm clocks did the same. I hated to go to bed even though I was tired. There was always one more television show to watch, one more book chapter to read, or one more snack to eat. When I joined FA ten years ago and began to call my sponsor at 6 am, it became clear that I’d need to change. I could no longer drag myself to bed at midnight or 1 a.m. and expect to stay abstinent from addictive eating. Being overtired is one of the easiest ways I know for my hands to grab for sugar and flour products. Before I joined FA, at 5’5” and over 200 pounds (91 kilos), I found that, at the end of the day,... Continue Reading
I am 5’9”, 63 years old, currently weighing 132 pounds (59.9 kilos), and three weeks short of 30 years ago, I let go of 55 pounds (24.9 kilos). This story is actually about the Memorial Day 11 years ago when, at the suggestion of two sponsees in another program, I walked into my first FA meeting and was immediately taken aback by the clarity and transparency of the talk around food. Although I believed flour and sugar had not really been a problem for me, in accordance with the First Tradition, I surrendered them. I was also asked to have a Higher Power and I had already chosen mine from a line in a 1982 Richard Attenborough movie, “God is truth.”This belief seemed to align with the admonition on page 58 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to be honest if I wanted to recover. However, after completing two... Continue Reading
