I had a day yesterday when I simply didn’t want to be a food addict. If I had my druthers, I wouldn’t be. Nonetheless, the big difference between yesterday and the days before I was in FA, was that I didn’t eat. Instead, I woke up this morning with energy and hope and no self-loathing for having binged away all the uncomfortable feelings I was having. Two-and-a-half-years ago, when I weighed 275 pounds, I can vividly recall thinking that I would have done anything to be in a normal body—anything. Yesterday I reminded myself that my “anything” is working the tools my program gives me, which is a small price to pay for being in a right-sized body and, even better yet, a right-sized mind. I’ve been at my goal weight for nine months. Staying in place is a new experience for me, because I am used to losing and... Continue Reading
It’s my belief that the only newcomers to FA who have no problem with the non-dating commitment are already married. Me? I balked like a mule when my sponsor first mentioned it. Back then, I was fifty years old and had already suffered through a decade or two of not dating. I didn’t welcome the suggestion not to date. After a few months of struggling with my sponsor about it, and after I had lost the bulk of my weight, I attended my college reunion, solo. During the cocktail hour, I began to chat with a classmate. When dinner was called, he said that he would come find me when the dancing began. His statement threw me into a panic. It was all I could do to choke down my meal and then race out of the hall at a dead run. In the parking lot, I tried to get... Continue Reading
I am the daughter of a classic alcoholic. I was born in 1946 and grew up in Houston, Texas. For most of my childhood and adolescence, I watched my loving, brilliant father slowly deteriorate from that vicious disease. I felt every feeling imaginable about his drinking, but one thought never crossed my mind: that I had inherited some biological or behavioral version of his disease. What I consciously remember was the thought that I would never drink like he did. I fought him and his drinking. I poured the liquor from his hidden bottles down the kitchen sink. I confronted him and sobbed with despair and rage. My ever-nurturing mother was a classic enabler. She fed him, cleaned him up, protected him, and earned the living that supported our family. The truth was that she loved him very much and did not know what else to do. Near the end... Continue Reading
The slogan, “Don’t eat no matter what, no matter what don’t eat,” made no sense to me when I first joined Program. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around this concept. After all, I had to eat my meals, right? So what exactly did they mean by this slogan? After pondering that thought, I realized that people in FA meant not to eat food that wasn’t committed that day if emotions or boredom sent me looking to see what might be in my fridge or cupboards. Oh, that’s what they mean! But, isn’t that what I’ve never been able to avoid doing before? I mean: That’s why I’m here in FA. HELP! I (a visual learner) came up with a technique that helped me understand and become more “neutral” around my food: When I was growing up in Wilmington, Delaware, there was a huge medical center for children with spinal... Continue Reading
“I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal, which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met.” – Dr. Silkworth, Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Doctor’s Opinion” While I was living in Boston, a friend told me about a fantastic job opportunity at a respected organization in the San Francisco Bay area. The initial phone interview went very well, and I was chosen as a finalist for the position. The hiring committee decided to fly me across the country for the final interview, and I stayed with my friend for a couple of days. I was very nervous on the day of the... Continue Reading
