Ten years ago, I bought a car, resigned from my job, packed up my most important belongings, and headed west. After seven years of living in Philadelphia, I was ready for a change. Mostly, I was just tired of being overweight. I wanted to get away, and I hoped to find a fresh (thin) start somewhere new. Without a job, without a clear destination, and without very much money, I said goodbye to my family, popped my favorite CD into the car stereo, and started driving. Two months later, after a 10,000 mile cross-country adventure, I landed in San Francisco and wound up staying. Although I did not have a conscious or deliberate relationship with God at the time, I can see now that God was with me all along. Despite my lack of planning, I found both a place to live and a job right away, and thus my... Continue Reading
I am 50 years old and I am a food addict. I really don’t know for sure when my food addiction took off, because early on in my life, I was an addict of various substances, first alcohol, and then various forms of drugs. I got clean and sober about 19 years ago, and when I did, I picked up sugar, which became my drug of choice until I realized, in my late forties, that I had a problem with the way I ate sugar. I justified eating sugar because it would keep me from drinking and getting high. Within a couple of years of getting clean and sober, I started noticing that my weight was fluctuating dramatically. Like so many food addicts, I started what I like to call the “dieting merry-go-round,” with success on some plans and not so much on others. The main thing all these diets... Continue Reading
I have been in Program for three years, but recently, calling my sponsor on time on a Monday morning was becoming an issue. Because we live in different time zones, my day is well on the way by the time I sit down to make my call. I found that the transition from the weekend to Monday mornings, with my family’s weekday routines, was unsettling for me. I was getting distracted, and missing my time by a couple of minutes. My sponsor suggested that I set an alarm or a timer to focus me so that I could be on time. I am technologically challenged, but I decided to face that challenge head-on and use my cell phone as my timer-reminder. I found a tool on my phone that allowed me to leave a voice message as a reminder. So I recorded my reminder and set the time. Later that... Continue Reading
I was near my top weight when my oldest son was married in 1998. I was nearing my goal weight when my youngest son got married. The dresses that I wore are metaphors for my life before and after recovery. Wedding #1 Shopping for a dress for my oldest son’s wedding was a painful experience. I knew that my future daughter-in-law needed to know what color I had chosen in order to continue with her planning, but the whole prospect of looking for something to fit me had me paralyzed. Here I was, near my top weight of 293 pounds, and I couldn’t even stand the pain of looking in the mirror. How many times had I faced a rack of clothes in the plus-size section and known that I was going to look hideous in any one of the things that I tried on? The hopelessness of selecting something... Continue Reading
The first time I visited my brother after joining Program was an incredible experience. Through geographical circumstances, my brother and sister-in-law wound up being responsible for the care of our aging mother. It was not easy for them. My brother would often call me to vent his anger, and I would try to tell him what to do. If that didn’t work, I would dismiss his needs and feelings and say, “I am too tired to listen.” This first visit in recovery was awesome. My brother and I went on an errand. Again he started to tell me how he was feeling, and then he stopped and said, “You wouldn’t listen anyway.” I said, “Yes I would, I am different now, so please tell me what you are thinking.” He began kind of hesitantly and then continued to pour his heart out. We sat in a parking lot for a... Continue Reading
