My top weight was 285 pounds, so it was obvious that I was eating large amounts of food. The amounts consumed, however, didn’t come close to the amount of time that was consumed by the obsessive thoughts that controlled my head. What can I eat, how can I eat, where can I eat, what can I buy, how can I sneak it, how can I cook it? These thoughts were wild in my head. I didn’t know how to shut the voices out. I was uncomfortable in my body, in my skin, and in my personality, which was too often unpleasant. My enthusiasm for life had diminished, and most days seemed like a struggle. Although I had heard about a Twelve-Step program a couple of years before 1985, it wasn’t anything that I pursued. I guess I hadn’t had enough pain. At that time, I was not as heavy and... Continue Reading
Self-care sounds great in theory—bubble and pedicures; but in real life, self-care is dealing with life on life’s terms, even when those terms are in the form of a world-altering pandemic. My history, along with binge eating, is one of negativity. Alcoholics Anonymous states “[The grouch and the brainstorm] may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.” For me, the “brainstorm” includes fear, negativity, anger, and self-pity and whole host of other character defects. This is not to say I never venture down those paths—I am human; however, if I engage in negativity for too long, it will lead me back into the ultimate poison–food. I don’t have TV, but I have become very selective of the media sources I read, and I have also pooled all my work emails related to the pandemic so I can read them at set times during... Continue Reading
As a nurse, I am used to very hectic days in a Level 1 Emergency Department (ED) in a Boston hospital, but I had no idea how much the world would change when COVID-19 arrived. My days were filled with donning and doffing masks and gloves while wondering whether we would have enough personal protective equipment (PPE) to get me through my next shift. I was feeling discomfort due to the changes, but I was just getting in the groove of my new reality when I got sick. Even though my COVID-19 test came back negative, it took two-and-a-half weeks until I was well enough to get back to the ED. Like most other people, I was watching the news and hearing how the pandemic was growing in strength. My work friends were telling me how busy it was, that the patients coming into the hospital were very sick and that there were different rules and policies being announced daily. The... Continue Reading
Before finding my way to FA, my life was more than just unmanageable; it was complete chaos. Unfortunately, I was the only person at fault for that chaos, but I would have never admitted that at the time. I firmly credit six years of daily abstinence to the clear vision I have of my past and my future. I spent nearly all of my spare time in adolescence and early adulthood obsessing about my body image and the food I was consuming. I was so desperate to be thin and happy—I truly believed that I could not have one without the other. If I could only achieve being thin, than the happiness would be a guaranteed result. So why couldn’t I just put the fork down? I spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours on this obsession. One minute I was “on the wagon” and dieting with the best of... Continue Reading
I was in FA over two years before I attended my first Foods Addicts in Recovery (FA) annual business convention in Boston. In the first year, I was too foggy to even know what an FA convention is for. I already belonged to many 12-Step programs and this additional FA service stuff was not for me! In the second year, I was abstinent for about a year but still struggling with many things, fighting on different fronts. I had not saved the money to attend convention and had other financial priorities that I was obsessing over. As my sponsor was not keen on me going, the second convention also came and went. In my third year in program, FA became my only program; my honesty, commitment, and focus became much more single-tracked and I started speaking to my sponsor about the need to prepare for going to the next convention.... Continue Reading
