I am working my way through an AWOL (a study of the 12 steps), and a few weeks ago on a Friday night, I did Step Five for the first time. That’s where we share with our sponsors our part in the things that have happened in our lives. When we were done, I immediately felt a lightness in my chest. It had been suggested not to have too high of expectations of Step Five, so I really did not predict that, especially as I found writing my inventory in Step Four difficult at times and felt “off the beam.” The next morning I knew three things. First, the lightness continued. Second, I felt closer to God and third, I felt I had grown up somewhat. My sponsor agreed that he had seen me taking responsibility for some things I had not previously. These three changes have remained. Just a... Continue Reading
A few years ago, I had experienced multiple issues with my laptop and phone, which were quite confusing. I had been trying, unsuccessfully, to get the FA mp3s from my laptop onto my phone. Being in FA, I am continually reminded that it’s healthy to ask for help. I’ve learned that if I can ask for help with my food in the form of quantity and type, etc., then I can also choose to ask for help in all other areas of my life. I found myself at the Apple Store in the mall. My food addict insecurity blossomed and the thoughts in my head were saying things like I’m too drab, too poor, too unsophisticated to be here, and so on. I responded with the FA truism, “I am enough, I have enough, I do enough.” I prayed that God would help me to relax. After all, I was... Continue Reading
In early recovery I was told, “This program is portable and can be worked under all conditions.” Fortunately, that has been my experience. This is my second time in FA. I was in for about a year about 10 years ago, where I was able to attend meetings. I struggled with the program and getting time up, trying to put FA on top of my “busy” life. I moved, where there are no meetings and left the program, doubting whether it was possible for me to get abstinent without meetings anyway. The “gift of desperation” brought me back four years later. Since that first day, through God’s grace and the tools of this program, I’ve not needed to pick up the food, one day at a time. I believe this is largely due to the enormous support this program offers including outreach calls, the audio recordings on CDs and downloads,... Continue Reading
Today, I know I’ve discovered a miracle. I didn’t come to FA for that reason, but amazing things happened when I became willing. I came to this program because I was fat. I finally became willing during the period between my two children’s weddings. I had been “dieting” for a nearly a year, unable to lose the 10-15 pounds (4.5-6.8 k) needed to fit into an already-purchased dress for my daughter’s wedding (the second of the two). At my son’s wedding, I had still been hovering a few pounds over 200 (90.7 k) and had had to buy a dress in a size I’d hoped to never see again. That size represented the shame associated with my weight. “Here I am again, unable to get it together, even for something as important as my son’s wedding.” Every day when I got up, I had to face the dress for my... Continue Reading
When I first joined FA I knew I was home. I went to four meetings per week, not because I had to but because I didn’t know what to do with all my free time now that I was not eating addictively all day. When I put down the flour, sugar, and other substances, the young, 21-year-old egotistical part of me could not wait to get my 90 days and qualify in front of the room and share my story, because I was so thrilled to be in FA and share what I had found. I had 65 days of solid abstinence and was on my way! However, one night while baby-siting, the mother of the children offered me a snack. I politely declined, but she kept offering it to me over and over. I was so intimidated by her that I just took the treat and popped it in... Continue Reading
