As a food addict, I have the tendency to go to extremes. I have been overweight, underweight, bulimic and compulsive with exercise. I have learned a bit about weighing, measuring and moderating my behavior as well as my food during the 13 years I have been in FA. Because of that, I felt safe buying a Fitbit without going back to being compulsive with exercise. I wore it quite happily for a couple of years, but lately it had all begun to feel like I was veering in the direction of looking at it all too often, more and more invested in getting those 10,000 steps a day, becoming way too attached. When I spoke with my sponsor, with that old extreme thinking, I said I either wanted to hide it in a drawer or smash it with a hammer, whichever she suggested – I wanted peace from the insanity... Continue Reading
The day started out pleasantly – two FA couples with our lunches in tow traveling 100 miles for an adventure. We were in one car going to a museum, and later out to dinner on the way back home. As we had finished lunch and our art viewing, my partner’s phone rang. It was her father’s doctor stating that instead of tomorrow, she needed to come and be with him NOW. The other couple made arrangements to get back home by cab and train. We had been in program for 10 months and started out not knowing what would happen next. Fortunately, each of us called our sponsors. We were advised where to stop and get a scale and what restaurant we could go to get an abstinent meal on the way. Upon arrival, my partner went directly to her father’s hospital bed. My tasks were to find us a... Continue Reading
When I first came into program, I just wanted to lose and maintain my weight. I had tried every diet on the market, in the magazines, every quirky thing that came along: Paige Palmer, Dr. Atkins, Richard Simmons, Living Thin, hypnosis, learning to eat like a turtle, and an over-abundance of others. Yet I still weighed 252 pounds, and was gaining a pound a day. In those programs my weight continued to yo-yo significantly: from 175 pounds to 265, with a highest weight of 280 pounds. Another Twelve Step program was the last thing I wanted, but I came in anyway. I had no other option. Even though I could agree my weight was unmanageable, I denied that my life was unmanageable. I thought my debt, workaholism, the problems I had with relationships, the lack of orderliness in my home, and how I handled the challenges of being a single... Continue Reading
When I think of my first 90 days of abstinence, I think of two things my sponsor used to say to me all the time. First, she told me I was allergic to sugar, flour, and being told what to do; second, that her nickname for me was “yeah, but,” because my response always began with “Yeah, but…”every time she would tell me something. I always had reasons for why the suggestions she was giving weren’t going to work for me. On the outside, I looked very obstinate and unwilling. I was also told on numerous occasions that I was scary. I was that angry food addict in the back row with my arms crossed, daring you to come over and talk to me. Those who did, may have wished they hadn’t. On the inside, I was scared to death. I also came in with a lot of Alcoholics Anonymous... Continue Reading
I realized I had a problem with food when one bite was never enough. Even though I was not hungry, I could not stop eating. My head was in a fog; I was always in a bad mood. I stopped counting servings as I went back for more again and again. Through the years, my weight fluctuated up and down. “Your face looks rather full,” friends would comment. Or when I lost 20 pounds they would say, “You look terrific! Have you lost weight?” I wish that I could have taken some strength from those compliments, but I lost control over and over. I tried various ways to manage my love of sweets. I baked for others and took just one piece for myself. Well, that never worked. One piece led to another and another until I had to bake the treat for “others” all over again. I can’t say... Continue Reading
