When I first came into program, I just wanted to lose and maintain my weight. I had tried every diet on the market, in the magazines, every quirky thing that came along: Paige Palmer, Dr. Atkins, Richard Simmons, Living Thin, hypnosis, learning to eat like a turtle, and an over-abundance of others. Yet I still weighed 252 pounds, and was gaining a pound a day. In those programs my weight continued to yo-yo significantly: from 175 pounds to 265, with a highest weight of 280 pounds. Another Twelve Step program was the last thing I wanted, but I came in anyway. I had no other option. Even though I could agree my weight was unmanageable, I denied that my life was unmanageable. I thought my debt, workaholism, the problems I had with relationships, the lack of orderliness in my home, and how I handled the challenges of being a single... Continue Reading
When I think of my first 90 days of abstinence, I think of two things my sponsor used to say to me all the time. First, she told me I was allergic to sugar, flour, and being told what to do; second, that her nickname for me was “yeah, but,” because my response always began with “Yeah, but…”every time she would tell me something. I always had reasons for why the suggestions she was giving weren’t going to work for me. On the outside, I looked very obstinate and unwilling. I was also told on numerous occasions that I was scary. I was that angry food addict in the back row with my arms crossed, daring you to come over and talk to me. Those who did, may have wished they hadn’t. On the inside, I was scared to death. I also came in with a lot of Alcoholics Anonymous... Continue Reading
I realized I had a problem with food when one bite was never enough. Even though I was not hungry, I could not stop eating. My head was in a fog; I was always in a bad mood. I stopped counting servings as I went back for more again and again. Through the years, my weight fluctuated up and down. “Your face looks rather full,” friends would comment. Or when I lost 20 pounds they would say, “You look terrific! Have you lost weight?” I wish that I could have taken some strength from those compliments, but I lost control over and over. I tried various ways to manage my love of sweets. I baked for others and took just one piece for myself. Well, that never worked. One piece led to another and another until I had to bake the treat for “others” all over again. I can’t say... Continue Reading
I’m 47 years old and have been in FA for 8 years. Upon entering the rooms the first thing I noticed was that there weren’t a lot of people who looked like me. I’m of African American descent. My journey in FA began with two Caucasian sponsors. My first sponsor guided me through the introductory phases of recovery which aided in a 60 lbs. weight loss. Then she broke her abstinence. This troubled me greatly, I had a fearful uneasiness that surely I’d lose my abstinence since the person who was helping me wasn’t able to sustain it. While attending an A.W.O.L (a way of life—a detailed study of the 12 steps) I approached a fellow whom I respected. She was intelligent, beautiful, spiritually grounded (a pastor in fact), at a healthy weight and again Caucasian. It didn’t matter to me, she had what I wanted. She offered recovery suggestions... Continue Reading
I sat on my sofa and pressed the phone to my ear. I was angry. It was, one more time, hard to focus on a 90-minute telephone AWOL with FA members who have arrived at Step Two in this committed FA Twelve-Step study group. I have to choose a telephone AWOL since I am far away from any live AWOL meetings. I can’t wait for this call to be over. The abstinence is great, but these people are talking about insanity. It seemed as if everyone wants to be the most insane, sort of like an insanity competition. Do I really need this kind of self-flagellation? They describe with dramatic exaggeration their petty habits with food while they ate, and how their bodies got disfigured by it. I am different. Why do they harp on this over and over again? Finally I‘ve had enough! I hang up and call a... Continue Reading
