I remember the day like it was yesterday instead of almost 15 years ago, when one of my greatest fears about being a morbidly obese middle-aged woman came to pass. I had been living in constant fear of falling and not being able to get up, with nobody around to help me. It happened at the office restroom. I stood up and was unable to walk or even move. The pain in my knee was unbearable. I was stuck in the stall. All the years of being obese had worn away the cartilage in my knees. I used a cane to walk, but I left my cane back in my office on the other side of the floor. It was mid-morning, and co-workers were in meetings. I waited for someone to come into the restroom. I finally had to shout for help. It was so embarrassing. Everyone was rushing around... Continue Reading
Dr. C. is a bright young ocular surgeon with a sparkling smile and numerous Ivy League degrees. I am so grateful my higher power cleared my way to her. I believed all my health issues were solved by a hundred pound weight loss and 18 months of abstinence in FA. All my doctors were delighted, my medical tests were stellar, I was taken off all my medications as well as CPAP. Until, my previous ophthalmologist diagnosed diabetic retinopathy and fear overwhelmed me. My years of diabetic denial and addictive eating had fired a consequential bullet not so easily dodged. The doctor recommended immediate laser eye surgery in two days. At the clinic door, the day of the planned surgery, I hesitated – terrified. During childhood, my beloved grandmother slowly went blind and losing my sight was my greatest fear. It took a moment, but I managed a deep breath and... Continue Reading
I came into program weighing 293 pounds. I had been obese pretty much my entire life and knew that I was addicted to food. I just had no idea how to live in a world addicted to a substance I needed in order to survive. I had always dreamed of finding enough willpower to be able to eat in moderation, but was never able to do so. When I walked into my first FA meeting, scared beyond words and lacking the belief that I could ever live without flour and sugar even for one day, something resonated with me when I heard that there was a solution and people were living it. I knew I had to give it a shot. I had reached the point where I was thinking about food pretty much all my waking hours, yet still managed to be very high functioning, with a great career,... Continue Reading
I was riding on the shuttle from the San Francisco airport to Santa Rosa in June 2010 when my cell phone rang. It was the unfamiliar voice of a nurse practitioner from Kaiser who asked if I was sitting in a private place. I was alarmed, since I had recently had a breast biopsy. I seated myself in the back of the bus where I could have some privacy when I heard her say the word “cancer,” that scary disease that happened to other people and not me. I was afraid that it might be a death sentence since my mother and two of her three sisters had died of various types of cancer. Because of FA and the good fortune of having just returned from the FA business convention in Massachusetts filled with fellowship, hope, and gratitude, I had a sense that I would be okay. I was able... Continue Reading
FA has taught me that in order to stop eating addictively, I have to face things I feel badly about. With the proven guidance of the Twelve Steps, I realized that I needed to make things right with my parents and my sister and her family. In the past, my self-centeredness never took a break. When I lived with my parents, I stole dessert mixes out of my mom’s yearly food supply and ate the jars of food she spent many hours canning. I ate specially prepared desserts and home-cooked meals and gifts meant for others. I snuck boxes of food and cooked them, using as many condiments as possible, while the family was at church. Often it didn’t even taste good, but I always had to be eating lots of something, anything. Then I would throw it up in the bathroom or on my mom’s lilac bushes. I was... Continue Reading
