I’ve been married for 14 years to the kindest, sweetest, funniest guy on the planet. I was born under the Chinese astrological year of the ox … steadfast, loyal, steady, stubborn, obstinate He’s a Rabbit… sensitive, intuitive, energetic. I adore him. But, before program, I spent a lot of time feeling critical of him. “Somebody needs to whip him into shape.” I thought. Before program I would agonize inside my own head about how best to deliver the messages to him, to “fix him,” “improve him.” I used to yell at him, “I turned myself into a pretzel for you and what have you ever done for me?” And then, I would eat, to still the inner demons in my head, to reward myself for “putting up” with him, to do something for myself. The food stopped working. I isolated. In program, my sponsor guided me to WAIT: to ask... Continue Reading
Right now I am using my program to stop obsessing about skinny jeans. And for all you newcomers, yep, working the FA program makes a person skinny. But then what do I do with a mind that wants to obsess on getting more and more and more pairs of skinny jeans? It is just like with the food; my brain lies and says that if I get xyz then I will feel peaceful and satisfied. Not true! God brings peace and in God’s time. So, I think writing for the connection will probably get me closer to God than giving in to my jeans craziness. I have been back for a couple of weeks from visiting my parents in Oregon. I had not been back to the place where I grew up and lived for about 15 years. I saw no reason for going back. It never occurred to me.... Continue Reading
Looking back, I know that I’ve been a food addict all my life. However, it wasn’t until I was in my sixties that I became familiar with the term “food addict” and was able to accept that addiction was the reason for my life long search for a normal weight. When I look at my pictures from childhood, through my teens, the child bearing years, the family rearing years, the middle-age years, right up to the day I found FA in 2005, I can clearly see the progression of the disease. Through those years, I used every excuse I could to explain my fluctuating weight. In high school I expected my weight to stay around 130. Then when I hit 140 I rationalized that I needed more exercise, so I started a self-guided physical fitness regime and went on a quick weight loss diet. My first child was born when... Continue Reading
Before I begin I’d like to preface by saying Thank You. Thank you to FA and to all of the supportive and caring fellows that have welcomed me. Were it not for them and most important, my trusted sponsor, reaching this 90-day milestone would not be my reality today. I walked through the doors of FA one evening having had only a tiny glimpse of the food plan but knowing nothing of the program as a whole. I was desperate. I wanted to lose weight. It was an obsession that consumed my every waking moment. On the outside I appeared to have it all together, but on the inside I was angry and frustrated, full of doubt and self-hatred, riddled with fear and insecurity. I left the meeting that evening rather quickly. I heard many people share their stories of triumph and victory, of struggle and conscious self-work. The intensity... Continue Reading
When I was in my disease, and it would snow, I used to look through all my cupboards, trying to fix the uncomfortable feeling of not being able to get out and about without first digging my way out of the snow. I would feel stuck. Then, I would start eating and I wouldn’t be able to stop; I would have something on the stove, something in the oven, and something on the table that I would be eating. After filling myself so full that it would hurt, I would go downstairs to my laundry room and purge what I had just eaten. Then, I would go back upstairs and clean up the dishes, pots and pans that I had used for my binge. I told myself that I would now have something healthy to eat, but by the time I put all the toppings on my food, it would... Continue Reading
