I feel so grateful for freedom from flour and sugar. Before FA, I had times when I would largely eat like I am now and then other times when I just could not stop eating. It was so painful. I could not understand what was wrong with me or how I could stop. I lived alone. Although I kept no sugar or flour products in my home, there were basic ingredients that I could use for a quick fix, or I’d go out to stores I’d previously declared out of bounds, telling myself to stop this insane behavior. I tried better self-care, affirmations, photos of how I wanted to look, hanging up a garment I wanted to fit into, envisioning a thinner me, rewards, tallying up money spent on junk food, awareness I wasn’t eating out or buying clothes but spending money on flour and sugar products. Buying cheap fixes,... Continue Reading
At 58 years old, I believed I had no choice but to die of obesity. I knew I would have a heart attack or a stroke and, if I were lucky, it would be fatal. Or I would eat until I exploded. There was no other way out. I walked into an FA meeting late and sat in the last row, nervous and hopeless. As I sat in my seat the woman next to me gave me a smile. I don’t remember a lot that was said at the meeting but I remember that smile. I felt welcome and at home. I might not remember what was said, but I know I heard hope in that meeting, hope that I didn’t have to die from food addiction, that I had another choice. I learned of another meeting the next night and I committed to someone that I would go. That... Continue Reading
I am 71 years old, and for most of my life, I was thin. When I was in my forties, however, it seemed like all my clothing sizes suddenly started getting bigger and bigger, and I could not understand why. People told me that when you start getting older, your body changes, but I went from a size 10 to a size 22 and I didn’t think it had anything to do with my eating habits. I had been doing the same thing for so many years, and all of a sudden I started gaining weight, so I resigned myself to the idea that life just changes with age and I had better accept it. I worked at a company that loved to give dinners and lunches as rewards for doing a great job. It was always greasy food or flour and sugar items that I couldn’t resist. I never... Continue Reading
My top weight was 138 pounds, about 30 pounds over what I weigh now. The miracle is that I have maintained my weight for 15 years, without over-exercising or having tons of therapy. I thought that if I figured out why I ate, I would stop. That never happened. I ate because I am a food addict, it is that simple. I see that I have had lots of life events that I did not have to eat over. Life’s challenges have been as simple as coming outside to a flat tire, and as devastating as getting fired from my job. Living through the process before I actually got fired was very uncomfortable. I remember calling my sponsor one day at work crying, feeling like I was worthless. She asked me “are you doing your best?” I said “yes.” So she gave me my marching orders. “Go to work with... Continue Reading
Before FA, I would have asserted I was an honest person. I’d have bet money on the fact that I was more honest than those around me. If I received too much change at the store, I gave it back. I never said anything behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. Yup, I was honest. After seven years in FA, a few AWOLs, and other Twelve-Step work, I now see the brutality that went with that honesty. It is true, if someone gave me too much change at the store, I would give it back, but that went along with an “honest” appraisal of the store clerk’s intelligence. I may not have used the word “idiot,” but there was no doubt about my message. I loved my husband enough to tell him all the things nobody else would say to his face, and was just as brutal and... Continue Reading
