I remember walking into my first FA meeting expecting it to be like a scene out of the movie, One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I had never been to a Twelve-Step meeting, so my expectations were based upon how group sessions were portrayed in movies and television. I pictured someone like Nurse Ratched leading the meeting, stoically asking each member to share. I pictured a bunch of overweight, comic-book type characters, all sitting around in a circle, listening to each other talk about stuff that wasn’t going to be useful to me. I also pictured myself as Jack Nicholson, the hero character who was all too wise for the group, realizing he was surrounded by a bunch of fat idiots. I expected to be entertained. I thought, at best, I could walk away with a story that I could share with others about the experience – perhaps to get... Continue Reading
Record-setting rains created large-scale destruction in my area this past spring, as rising rivers overflowed their boundaries and caused massive flooding. As I watched the televised reports, I realized how this principle applies to my own life. Just like a runaway river, out of control eating causes many levels of destruction: added weight, shame and guilt, loathing of my lack of willpower, and spiritual disintegration. I experience sanity and abundant life only when I live within certain prescribed boundaries. Otherwise, my body, soul, and spirit suffer. While I know that I have no power to stop outside circumstances, fear and my desire to control warp my thinking. “Maybe I have no say over life in general,” I think, “but I can control my intake of food.” In my head, control equals no boundaries—nothing off limits, no censure of quantities or types of food. I will eat whatever I want and no one can... Continue Reading
This holiday season, I was pulling down a small, ceramic Christmas tree from the back of my work’s credenza when I saw a small bottle of glue. It was not a typical office supply; for me, glue was a fashion necessity. One I hadn’t thought of in many years. Before I came into recovery, I was obese. My calves were very large, and wearing socks was extremely challenging. In order to get socks up my calves, I had to buy either excessively large sizes or cut the elastic. As I walked, my socks would wiggle their way down to my toes, and I was constantly having to fiddle with them. I searched for a fix—I tried pantyhose, but the chaffing quickly ruled that out. So each morning, as normal as others brush their teeth, I would glue my socks onto my calves. I would stock up each fall during the... Continue Reading
I had a boyfriend when I came into FA. After a year of being abstinent, it became clear that we needed to end the relationship. My boyfriend and I had been together for four years, and the fear, doubt, and insecurity was intense when I went through that breakup. I used my FA program like a lifeline in order to stay abstinent. My sponsor suggested a “no dating” commitment in order for me to discover who I was without a boyfriend. I came to realize how much having a boyfriend had masked my insecurities. I studied the Twelve Steps and worked my Program without dating. I developed many crushes on unhealthy men, but refrained from acting out on my feelings. I was still quite sick emotionally and spiritually. I have a lot of fear and, in the end, found it easy not to date, as I had not had many... Continue Reading
When I came into FA at 5’2”(160cm), I weighed 143 pounds (65Kgs). Now I am 34 years old and weigh 112 pounds (51Kgs). I have lived in Taiwan and had never heard of any 12 step programs until I spoke with my cousins who live in the US and were doing another 12 step program. I told them that I could not stop eating. They gave me literature from another 12 step food-related program and I read it with tears. I tried it for a couple of months. Unfortunately, I still struggled with binging. Then one of the other food-related program fellows told me she was doing FA and gave me some FA fellows’ numbers to outreach with. Instead of calling the fellows right away, I surfed the FA website and I got 19 YESes of the 20 questions for the newcomer. I was so desperate and reached out to... Continue Reading
