I was terrified to walk through the doors of FA, even though I was with a friend who invited me. I wasn’t sure what I would find. I have been to so many different types of “weight loss” meetings, from large groups to individual sessions. I was always looking for the solution to my weight problem. It wasn’t that I only had 20 pounds to lose. I was only 5 foot 2 inches tall but weighed in at 287 pounds. I had tried counting calories, counting points, cutting out sugar and flour, and exercising but nothing was able to help me lose the weight or take away the obsession that I had with food. The longest I had been able to be successful was six weeks and got down to around 232 pounds. My birthday came around and I thought I would just have one piece of cake to celebrate.... Continue Reading
I was preoccupied with a fear of being fat at a very early age. I remember being 7 years old and thinking I was too fat. In 5th and 6th grade I was trying to eat less than what I truly wanted. Looking back, I realize I didn’t feel in control of my eating, and I was in fact eating more than what was healthy for my body. By age 13 I was 160 lbs. By age 15 I had lost a good portion of my weight though major control, and was able to maintain a thin body throughout my teenage years, but along with that was constant obsession. Each morning I’d wake up thinking about what I ate the day before. My first thought as my eyes opened was the anxious question, “Would this be a day I’d feel thinner or fatter?” My teenage years were about control, obsession,... Continue Reading
I was chuckling to myself as I noticed how my vocabulary has changed since becoming abstinent. Words that I normally used to describe or procure food now have a new meaning. I enjoy walking on crunchy leaves while wearing a sweater in the crisp autumn air, salty lips from an ocean mist in the summer, and a delicious fire on a cold winter night. My skin is creamy, my lipstick hues are hot, my new red convertible is spicy and the clothes in my wardrobe are flavorful and colorful now that my body is pint–sized instead of super–sized. I contemplate fresh ideas. My relationships are rich, especially with my Higher Power. Sweet treats are an unexpected hug or “I love you” text from my teenage children, and a luscious back rub from my husband. A pick up is a program call, a delivery is a care package to my parents,... Continue Reading
I recently moved to be in a place with a strong fellowship and in close proximity to my sponsor. It is amazing to be able to have the time with her to ask question about food, the FA tools, and about how to live life abstinently. I just finished driving to my sponsor’s new house for a visit. I spent two hours with her and thought that two hours with my sponsor was awesome. But then a tiny part of my brain said, “Gosh, what would it have been like if I had stayed for three!” Crazy. Two hours was perfect. Before FA, my brain did the same thing with the food. “Wow, one plate of dinner was really good, so imagine what a second plate of dinner would do for me.” And then I’d have that second plate and feel stuffed and uncomfortable and guilty that I’d eaten so... Continue Reading
I have just returned from a five night vacation with my husband and two college-aged sons. We toured the amazing rocket laboratory where my older son is interning visited my brother, and attended my younger son’s college orientation, which meant a lot of coordinating schedules and meal times. Every day, I prayed on my knees, asking God to help me stay abstinent, and every night, even the late nights, I thanked him. I am so grateful for my recovery in FA and my willingness to go to any lengths to stay abstinent. I never want to go back to where I was before: the fat body, the painful remorse, and the obsession which plagued me every waking moment. Eating addictively was a symptom of my disease, a maladjusted way of handling life’s challenges. I ask myself how I maintained my discipline while the rest of the family enjoyed drinks, appetizers,... Continue Reading
