I came into FA for the sanity, not the vanity. At 5’5″ with a slight frame, I weighed 174 pounds, though my highest weight had been 188. I would go to yoga class, and then buy a complete meal at the drive thru. I promised myself every day that I was going to do better. I failed every single day. I could not stop eating. I was fat, yes, and sick of myself, but I joined FA in desperation because I was taking it out on my family. I yelled, cried, and regularly accused my lovely husband of sabotaging my weight loss efforts. After two bouts with breast cancer and suffering with high blood pressure and constantly aching back and hands, I knew I had to get off the flour and sugar. In FA, I lost 56 pounds in about nine months. And now, with the tools of the program... Continue Reading
I had already lost my weight. My top weight was 320 pounds. I was down to 150 pounds. I’d had my weight off for about five years by the time I started dating Mark. I had known of him because we went to the same church for several years, but never really knew him. Mark had been divorced for maybe three years and I was separated from my husband for about three years. I had no plans for ever dating or marrying. I had had enough of that. I had a full life, committed to my God and my church. I had my own home and business and a full circle of friends and a big family that I was also committed to. I had a secret. Though I looked great on the outside, I knew my body was ravaged by the disease of food addiction. What I’m talking about... Continue Reading
From my earliest memory, I always had an issue with food. I loved food, especially sweet flour and sugar products. I couldn’t get enough. I always wanted meals as big as those of my brothers and dad, and it didn’t seem fair if I didn’t get what they had. The biggest part of my journey commenced when I was about 36 years old. A guy I was dating left me—he stated that I was too good for him. In truth, we met when I was dieting and he left when the weight came on. This was a pattern in my life: I would diet, meet a man, then put the weight on, and then they would leave. After this particular relationship, I attended a workshop called Relationships and You, in which a woman spoke to me about recovery and suggested that I attend Overeaters Anonymous (OA). This was the beginning... Continue Reading
I am riding my bike the few blocks to the beach. It is dawn and the sun is about to rise into a glorious daybreak. My heart is hearing Pete Townsend on the ukulele as he sings, “I love every minute of the day.” I look down at my body as it easily maneuvers the bike, and I smile. My stomach is flat, my legs are slender, and my hips are proportionately curvy. I am wearing polka dot leggings that I purchased on clearance in the junior section while shopping with my daughter. I am 53 years old, and I look adorable. I am enjoying myself and having fun with my husband and children. I am not controlling every activity or overstuffing our day with a flurry of things nobody really wants to do. When they say, “What are we doing today?” I can respond, “Whatever you want,” and mean... Continue Reading
My old way of reacting to family time was to avoid it. I remember being a kid and knowing that my aunt and uncle had driven from another state and were finally safely resting in our home visiting with the rest of the family. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. I was scared to go into the living room. Maybe it would be awkward. The more I ignored the cheerful voices in the living room, the bigger the fear became in my mind, which made me feel uncomfortable. So I stayed in my bed, read my book, snacked and told myself that I didn’t care. They can’t make me. I spent a lot of my time avoiding life and being defiant, but deep down I felt sad because I was missing out. And deep down I blamed myself and I avoided more. That behavior continued to grow. I... Continue Reading
