Before FA, Thanksgiving meant one thing: food. As a kid I did not understand the appeal of Thanksgiving foods, but that didn’t stop me from overeating along with everyone else. Growing up, I was overweight, and by the time I graduated from college at 22, I was 206 pounds (about 93 kilos). Since I wasn’t a fan of the main course dishes, the desserts became a larger and larger part of the holiday excitement for me. As I got older, I began to enjoy the recognition I got from making complex, intricate desserts. I remember taking helping after helping of leftover sweets for days after the meal. If it was there, I felt a compulsion to get rid of it, by eating it myself! It called to me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When I got to graduate school, I started trying to control my weight. I became... Continue Reading
I recall an incident when I was only three weeks into Program, working with an FA sponsor. My marriage was quite a volatile relationship, and my husband and I argued nearly on a daily basis. One morning, my sponsor call occurred before an argument had finished. I was busy lamenting my partner’s lack of reasoning when my sponsor suggested something to which my resistance was extreme. He suggested I apologize to my husband. When I questioned why, he just advised I do it. I think his exact wording may have been “You have to do it!” I certainly did not agree, and even as I walked toward my husband, a little voice in my head said You know, you don’t need to do this today. Another, nicer voice intervened, Oh, yes, you do! I did apologize, and was promptly told by my husband that he was glad I apologized because,... Continue Reading
I can still hear the gulls’ screeching cries and smell the salty surf air of that mid-March afternoon on the Oregon coast. I can also see in my mind the sugar foods and snacks that were strewn throughout the van, calling to me. I remember the hunger that gnawed at my insides. I had traveled with my eight children to visit my parents on the coast during spring break, and this moment at the beach combined into a set of circumstances which turned out to be a test of my abstinence! We had attempted a long hike that morning which proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated, resulting not only in expending more time and energy than I really had, but also throwing off the timing of my meals. After the hike, we successfully got everyone back to the van, and while we drove to a nearby beach,... Continue Reading
Years ago, before I was introduced to FA and given the option of a new life of sanity, I was invited to a bachelorette party for a friend of my boyfriend. I didn’t really have friends; I didn’t really understand the point, except to prove that I was popular. I thought that friends were like trophies to display or degrees to hang on the wall. I got my fill of being around people at work or at parties, and that was enough. I was only interested in time alone with my food, where I could eat as much as I wanted and whatever I wanted. If friends were people I was supposed to confide in, that was the last thing that I wanted. I certainly wasn’t going to tell them my secrets. The biggest secret was that I was bulimic. I did everything I could to convince people that I... Continue Reading
Living on the frontier is challenging enough, so when my sponsor strongly suggested that I work the tool of the telephone three times a day, I thought she had lost her mind. I live on the frontier, how can I be expected to do this? When she suggested I set aside three times each day to dial for 15 minutes, and either reach a fellow or leave messages, I started to question whether this was the recovery I wanted. It really seemed irrational; simply too much to ask. Then she shared a list of names and phone numbers consisting of many long-term members who had helped in her recovery, and said I would benefit from talking to them. I just knew my days in FA were numbered! For each of her telephone call suggestions, I had at least two excuses why I couldn’t complete this task. We were both persistent.... Continue Reading
