Stories of Recovery
These stories were originally published in the Connection, FA's monthly magazine written by food addicts, for food addicts. Each post shares a different author's perspective. Visit this page often to read more experience, strength, and hope about recovery in FA. To get the newest issue of Connection Magazine sent directly to your mailbox or inbox, click here to subscribe to the Connection.
Twenty-seven years ago, when I first met the man to whom I am now married, we were just getting to know each other, so in the spirit of honesty and “full disclosure,” I told him that I had been bulimic, but wasn’t anymore. At the time, I was in another Twelve-Step program for food addiction (although we didn’t call it that). I had not been actively bulimic for a while, so I thought it safe to tell him, because I was “fixed.” I had been anxious about telling him, not knowing what the response would be. When he did not go screaming in the other direction, I thought: Phew! That’s over! Now we can get on with it. Things went along quite well for the next several months. I had a good job, I was in love, and all was right with the world. But alas, as I was to... Continue Reading
As a young girl, I was a tomboy, a bully, and an athlete. As a teenager, I smoked dope and became a sort of daredevil. Later I decided I needed to have the validation of an ivy-league university. My mother had continually reminded me of my inadequacies, and I always felt “less than.” Although I became a beautiful woman, my inadequate feelings about myself continued, whether I was fat or thin. My insecurity was especially evident in my choice of men and my behavior in relationships. The men I chose were almost always emotionally unavailable, due either to drinking, drugs or mental illness. Once in a relationship, I became a supportive partner, never questioning what was best for me but rather tirelessly supplying what was best for them. After years of this, I lost myself. When my 17-year marriage ended, I had been completely broken down and had no idea... Continue Reading
I’ve seen people come into FA because they under-eat, purge their food, obsess about their weight and keep it down with exercise, or have a constant obsession over what they’re eating. I came in because I constantly wanted to overeat. When I was younger, I pretended it didn’t bother me. Then one day I looked at my eighth-grade graduation class picture and I could no longer deny it. I was not only the tallest person in the class, but I was by far the largest. At 5’7” and 178 pounds, I towered over the rest of the 13- and 14-year olds. I was ashamed and embarrassed. So I went on my first of many diets. I tried one that required I eat only 600 calories a day, and another where I got something shot into my arm to lose weight (I don’t know what it was and I didn’t care).... Continue Reading
I was sitting in my CEO’s office having a debriefing after a conference call. When we finished, she turned to me and said, “Okay, this is the hard part.” She explained that I was one of the people being let go in the current round of layoffs. My heart froze. Although she was very kind about the news, it didn’t change the outcome: I was about to be unemployed in the most devastating economic downturn of my lifetime. After the meeting with my CEO, I walked outside in order to deal with the shock. The first person I phoned was my sponsor. I got her voicemail and left a message. I reached a friend who listened to my fear for a bit and then told me, in no uncertain terms, to go take some quiet time. I walked back inside the building, found a quiet place, and sat down to... Continue Reading
Temptation is subtle, quiet, cunning, and powerful. When faced with temptation, I have thoughts that I actually believe are great new ideas or epiphanies. My ideas usually start something like this: “Wouldn’t it be nice to have…,” or, “How about eating this tonight to break things up…,” or “this food is really boring, so let’s go out to eat ‘real food.'” Living in recovery means learning to distinguish between sane thoughts and ideas, and those of my food addiction speaking to me. The food addict thoughts want to sabotage the spiritual path I am on in FA. I can walk on the spiritual path or on the self-serving path of food addiction. I can’t confuse the discomfort I may be experiencing in my life with the “great ideas” of my disease, which chooses to solve that discomfort with food. I refuse to give into my disease. I realize that the discomforts I... Continue Reading
