I was extremely overweight from a very early age. My top weight was 306 pounds. I was full of fear, doubt, and insecurity and didn’t even know it. I spent a lot of my time being bossy and rude to my friends, family members, and strangers. My heart was so hard. I figured everyone was going to judge me by my appearance, so I might as well protect myself. I was in such denial about how I looked that I didn’t even see a problem with my weight. As a young adult, I acquired a huge sense of entitlement and felt the world owed me. I was a screamer. I often yelled at my children before I even knew what I was yelling about. I lost three very successful jobs because of my attitude and inability to work with my co-workers. Friends and family were scared of me. I often... Continue Reading
When I came into the rooms of FA I was angry, hopeless, and cynical. I had experienced a five-year abstinence in another food program before taking back my will and falling back into a relapse that lasted about five years. My top weight was two hundred pounds (my height is 5’6”). I had begun to have a relationship with my Higher Power, and my faith was growing slowly. By the time I found FA, however, the faith that I had begun to experience began to disappear, to be replaced by a huge dose of cynicism and disbelief. The negative thinking that returned slowly took me down a dark and hopeless path that I could not seem to leave. It was very hard for me to believe that God would take care of me and help me with my food addiction. I thought that all the young people that stood up... Continue Reading
I think I knew I was a food addict before I was willing to accept it. My acceptance came in the front seat of a Honda, as I stuffed as many baked goods into my mouth as I could as I drove away from a celebration at my friend’s house. She had packed me a “care package” that I demolished in the 15-minute ride home. I was four weeks into a decision to leave Program. I’d been in Program for over a year and knew it was the place for me. Giving up eating the way I had been eating was really hard for me. Although I was abstinent in the beginning, I soon began to have breaks and then lied about those breaks. In my mind, I rationalized that I was losing weight, and wasn’t that my ultimate goal? But after a while, I couldn’t live with my lying... Continue Reading
Ah, the holidays are upon us. My sponsor speaks of all the sparkly food out there this time of year. Each time I walk into a grocery store, I heed her words. Everything in the store is designed to make me want to buy it. In truth, because it is food, it doesn’t take much to draw me in. That is why, after three years in Program, I’ve learned to gauge my state of mind before I enter a grocery store or attend a party. I ask myself if I am tired, hungry, feeling resentment, feeling excess joy—feeling anything that makes my radar go up. If I am, I’ve learned that it is probably better for me to postpone my shopping or ask my husband to do it instead. One of the things I’ve come to recognize in Program is how easily I am over stimulated. The buying frenzy and... Continue Reading
I was searching for a solution to get out of my obese body. I tried injections, ate raw eggs, drank oil and milk three times a day, and went on a grapefruit diet. I tried a wine diet, where I drank one glass of wine three times a day. One last thing my doctor suggested was that I should wire my teeth and have liquid food through a straw. I am diabetic type 2. My doctor warned me I could lose my legs or I could become blind. My mother was diabetic and died at the age of 50. My father was diabetic, refused to have treatment, and died in his 60s. I joined a health club and decided to become a water aerobics fitness instructor. I also taught dance exercise at a College. I lost weight, became more interested in energy healing, and became a practitioner of Qigong massage,... Continue Reading
