I was finding myself thinking about food every time I drove home from work or from a meeting. I would pass a fast-food place or a sugar and flour shop and start to think about what I would eat if I weren’t in Program. I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t having a craving. I was just thinking about it. One night coming home from a meeting, I passed three fast-food places in a row, and I spent the entire time mentally making out my possible menu for each place. I realized what I was doing and began to talk to myself in a very negative way. I scolded myself, using verbal abuse and negative talk. I was angry at myself for thinking about food. I should have known better with 155 pounds off my body. My sponsor suggested that I stop the negative talk in situations like this and ask... Continue Reading
I knew I had a sugar problem, because when I ate sugar, things went badly. What I did not want to give up was alcohol. Yet whenever I drank, I ended up face down in the sugar. Lots of sugar. It took life smacking me in the face, with the unexpected death of a dear family friend, to wake me up. Her 25 years were over – she didn’t get any more chances. After that, I was no longer willing to squander the rest of my time on this planet waffling between trying to control my eating by drinking, not drinking, doing drugs, isolating, or exercising. It was two days before Thanksgiving when I got a sponsor in FA. On Thanksgiving I stuck to my food plan, but I ate some protein around 3 p.m. I hadn’t known what to do with myself, so I had been standing in front of the food... Continue Reading
I remember wanting food, lots of it, no matter what it was. Day after day, I filled myself with whatever was available, usually flour and sugar if I could find it, but sometimes I would even eat fruit or protein, or anything I could get my hands on. I don’t know when the shame and guilt started, but when it did, I started to hide, sneak, and steal. Then my weight went up, and the comments started to come. It never occurred to me to stop eating, but I actually don’t think I could have. I just kept eating, hiding, stealing food, and feeling more and more shame and guilt. It seemed like I became 200 pounds overnight. My siblings didn’t have serious problems with weight, but my mother had always been overweight, so it seemed like my fate was sealed. I was the youngest in a family of seven,... Continue Reading
At 309 pounds, my highest weight ever, I reached out for help. I was desperate. I’ve struggled with obsession with food all my life. If I wasn’t eating whatever I wanted and gaining weight, I was trying to control my food with diets and exercise programs. I was always thinking about food—what I was eating, what I wasn’t eating, what I just ate, or what I was going to eat. I ate salty things, then wanted something sweet, then something salty again, then sweet. I took babysitting jobs based on what type of food would be in a house. I tried to hide what I’d eaten. I blamed the children I was taking care of for eating all the snacks. I remember being caught by my mom with food under my bed in high school. I just felt better if I had food around at all times. I was bordering... Continue Reading
Through my teens and twenties, I struggled with food obsession, weight, and alcohol. Prior to coming into FA, I got what I wanted when I wanted it. I just couldn’t tell myself no, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew I was overweight and that I hated myself. I spent two years in another Twelve-Step program trying to love myself, but that didn’t work. I found recovery from my food addiction when I was 36. After 18 years in recovery and 19 years at my current job, I applied for a new position in my organization. I almost didn’t apply because it seemed like a lot of work to write a resume after so many years. I hadn’t been on an interview in 20 years and thought it would be too stressful. When I shared all of this with my sponsor, she said, “I hear... Continue Reading
