I can still hear the gulls’ screeching cries and smell the salty surf air of that mid-March afternoon on the Oregon coast. I can also see in my mind the sugar foods and snacks that were strewn throughout the van, calling to me. I remember the hunger that gnawed at my insides. I had traveled with my eight children to visit my parents on the coast during spring break, and this moment at the beach combined into a set of circumstances which turned out to be a test of my abstinence! We had attempted a long hike that morning which proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated, resulting not only in expending more time and energy than I really had, but also throwing off the timing of my meals. After the hike, we successfully got everyone back to the van, and while we drove to a nearby beach,... Continue Reading
Years ago, before I was introduced to FA and given the option of a new life of sanity, I was invited to a bachelorette party for a friend of my boyfriend. I didn’t really have friends; I didn’t really understand the point, except to prove that I was popular. I thought that friends were like trophies to display or degrees to hang on the wall. I got my fill of being around people at work or at parties, and that was enough. I was only interested in time alone with my food, where I could eat as much as I wanted and whatever I wanted. If friends were people I was supposed to confide in, that was the last thing that I wanted. I certainly wasn’t going to tell them my secrets. The biggest secret was that I was bulimic. I did everything I could to convince people that I... Continue Reading
Living on the frontier is challenging enough, so when my sponsor strongly suggested that I work the tool of the telephone three times a day, I thought she had lost her mind. I live on the frontier, how can I be expected to do this? When she suggested I set aside three times each day to dial for 15 minutes, and either reach a fellow or leave messages, I started to question whether this was the recovery I wanted. It really seemed irrational; simply too much to ask. Then she shared a list of names and phone numbers consisting of many long-term members who had helped in her recovery, and said I would benefit from talking to them. I just knew my days in FA were numbered! For each of her telephone call suggestions, I had at least two excuses why I couldn’t complete this task. We were both persistent.... Continue Reading
I was four years into FA when my mother had double knee-replacement surgery. I flew from California to Boston in February to help her and help care for my father who has advanced Alzheimer’s. It was one of the most challenging times I’ve had in Program and one of the most rewarding. To this day, I marvel that I continued to work my tools and didn’t eat. Traveling is always a challenge for me, but the emotional demands, short timeframe, and freezing cold weather made it worse. I arrived on a red eye and went straight to my mom who had just gotten out of rehab and was staying at a friend’s house, because it would have been too hard on her and my dad to be at home. When I arrived, she held me and cried. I’d never seen my tough mother like this. It was hard to see her... Continue Reading
I came into FA when I was 36 years old. I was 50 pounds (22.7 kilos) overweight, hating myself, and unable to keep myself from eating. I ate no matter what commitment, promise, or oath I made with myself, or anyone else, to not eat. All I needed was a thought about food and I had to have it. I thought about food all the time. I would be eating one food and thinking about the next food I wanted to eat. If I was doing something that didn’t allow me to eat, I was planning the next thing I would eat and when I would get it. I ate in the bath, the car, in bed, on the toilet, and while driving. I met someone working the FA program while I was in another Twelve-Step program for compulsive overeaters. I was still miserable, and I wanted what she had. She... Continue Reading
