I first came to FA weighing 215 pounds. I was a complete mess. For over six years, I had one foot in FA and one foot in the food. I would think: Am I really a food addict? Do I really need to go to these lengths? Is FA really the solution to my food problem? I saw myself as different from all the other food addicts in the rooms, which exempted me from having to do what they did. No one had ever binged on as much food as I had, no one felt a food craving as intensely as I did, and no one had the hard life I had, which entitled me to eat. I had some periods of abstinence— 90 days a few times, six months a couple of times, and 11 months once, but invariably the self-pity and that strange mental twist would lead me... Continue Reading
When I was a senior in high school, I heard about a Twelve-Step program for people who felt they needed help with food issues. I was tired of not succeeding with diets. I was tired of dreaming of the day I would be all grown up, have a family, and finally have the time to deal with my weight. I had been affected by food from a young age. When I was small, I remember sneaking it even though it was free for the taking in my house. If someone entered the room while I was eating, I tried to hide it. I often lied about having already eaten at my grandmother’s house when my mother offered me dinner at home. I wanted more. I matured early and was bigger than most of my friends. I felt really awkward in my body. I always felt too big. Although my friends... Continue Reading
Now that I inhabit a right-size body, I can do so much that I couldn’t do at 200 pounds when I came into FA. Oh, the wonders of working this program—little miracles every day. I can actually go into a fitting room and try on clothes, cute clothes off the rack in single-digit sizes. In dressing rooms, I don’t have to look at my awful image in the mirror and get overheated and sweaty in the tight space. I can get cool clothes at thrift shops, at bargain prices. My clothes actually fit on the hangers, so I don’t have to look at my clothes hanging all crooked and falling to the floor every time I try to find something that fits. And I can fit so much more into my suitcase when I travel!
Seventeen years ago when I first saw Penny, a beautiful Chihuahua, with her brothers and sisters eating spaghetti, I said, “Oh boy, she is the one.” I had her on my lap as we went home over the George Washington Bridge. She got up and put her little paws on the dashboard to look at her new surroundings. As I watched her, I knew she was going to be a lot of fun, and she did bring us joy for many years. From New Jersey and now Florida, through all of our trials and tribulations, dieting, and moves, she’s been with us. Then things became challenging. My husband and I had been on Nutrisystem. I was 5 feet tall, 217 pounds, and desperate. I found FA at a health fair in Daytona Beach, Florida. There they were, a booth of friendly people with just the information I needed. I picked... Continue Reading
They call ours the disease of more, and besides wanting to eat more, this addict also always wanted to do more. As a result, most of my life is littered with memories of running late, probably because I always overcommitted. I frequently planned the impossible, trying to fit everything in. The most horrifying memory I have of running late is from long before I joined FA. I was in my mid-30s, a single mother of two, living on a housing project in southeast London. My son and daughter, ten and seven, were latchkey kids. They would walk home together from school, let themselves into the flat, call me at work, and make themselves a snack. Then they’d head back out onto the playground to play with friends until I got home, usually just an hour later. One particular Thursday I decided to meet up at a pub after work with... Continue Reading
