I clearly remember my first day of “abstinence.” I was 370 pounds and desperate to be free from the spiritually deadening confines of my food addiction. I was getting to the point where I was ashamed even to walk outside of my house; ashamed to be seen. I had a protective wall up against the world. I didn’t really know at the time that my misery was connected to food. I still thought food was a comfort, a secret sanctuary that I could use to soothe myself through the stresses of the day. But it was a lie. I went to an FA meeting and readily obtained a sponsor, who I had known from AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). She was a tiny woman, but was large in love and concern for me. She was fierce and straightforward, and I didn’t know how to deal with her. She had taken me to... Continue Reading
Have I always been a food addict? I do not know. I do know that as a scrawny little kid, I was afraid of everything and felt alone in my large family of eight. I do remember stealing $20 from my mother’s purse to buy sweets at the corner store. A sister, who was a year older than I and the favorite of my mother and father, suddenly and unexpectedly died from influenza in 1954. Devastated by their loss, my parents were no longer able to function as parents. At the age of six, I had to quickly learn how to take care of myself as well as my six siblings. Staying alive became the focus of my life. I developed a list of things I could do and how to “be” in order to survive, and I began playing a role rather than being the person I was meant... Continue Reading
My daughter, a party planner and FA member, asked me and another FA fellow to help her with a party for ten 11-year-old girls. The girls were all excitedly chatting around the table, where they were delighting over the delicious birthday treats. One of the girls had some kind of allergy and had to bring her treat from home. All of a sudden, one of the girls leaned forward and exclaimed loudly, “Can you imagine if there was such a thing as allergy to sugar!” We three FA members looked at each other and smiled. Little did she know…
“There is the likelihood that you have multiple myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow), based on your test results,” said my doctor. Not exactly the words one wants to hear after having a minor test for a completely unrelated problem. He repeated this statement a couple of times to make sure I understood the potential severity of the situation. I guess my lack of a panicked response made him think I had not heard or understood him. My reaction, or lack thereof, was not a conscious effort; it just seemed “normal” to me. I admit that I did not react in the way I would have before joining FA a little over three years ago. Before Program, my reaction to this news would have been driven by self-centeredness and self-pity. I would have been blaming my higher power for doing this to me, and I would have been face down... Continue Reading
For about six weeks before I found FA, I attended a weekly meeting for a Twelve-Step program geared toward those with dysfunctional families. I was in graduate school at the time, and a close classmate asked if I would join her at the meetings. Repeatedly during the meetings, others would mention attending different Twelve-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. These comments started the wheels turning in my head. One night after a meeting, my friend and I were sitting in a coffee shop, and I asked her “Do you think you’re an addict?” “I think I dabble in everything,” she said. “What about you?” After a moment’s thought, I said for the first time out loud, “I think I have a problem with food.” That was the starting point of my FA journey. Late that night, after an internet search for food addiction, I found an FA meeting... Continue Reading
